I think it is a place close to my heart.
What if we are lovers?
Richness in its essence, it is to understand the value of things.
Money is just a part of that.
Not the end and not the beginning.
Not an importance to live by or a way of identifying yourself with.
Because to me that is poor.
But who I am?
I am just Lakshmi
It was something that he mentioned.
That opened my ears.
He said that he could predict who we were going to get married to.
I was intrigued, perhaps just a little interested.
To keep that distance.
For me to find my own answer.
Not getting influenced by his words.
Being safe in my own time and space.
And so I listened.
To what he had to say about that.
A tool to make you become who you are, by engaging the right way.
A new way of setting boundaries, without actually saying no, but just to keep silent.
As an example.
Because you are engaging with yourself.
Understanding who you are talking to or what you are doing.
Who you are spending your time with.
And then perhaps after that there are more people that will follow you on that social platform.
Sounds great to me.
Already when I was 5 years old I said : ‘He is just not into you’.
Before there was ever a movie made with this title, or pronounced in Sex and in the City by Miranda.
One of the characters in the series.
Or actually I said. ‘He just likes her better’.
And to be real, I said it in Dutch.
‘Hij vind haar gewoon leuker’.
Something I told my best friend then.
A light in the darkness, where I can not hide.
Lifting me up, where I can not do it myself.
Positivity where I feel energized.
Or can charge.
A place where we can meet in space and time.
In quantity and quality.
A hug, or just a kiss on the cheek.
Understanding when I am weak.
Learning and growing from each other.
Even when we don’t know how to do that.
To not go over each other boundaries.
Or at least listening to what the other has to say about it.
I guess you can call it emotional support.
To be the other side of the half.
Giving space to be.
Not letting me wait in the rain.
Opening the door, so I can go in.
Perhaps even a baby
I was going through my stories and was reading :
‘What is the meaning of being Single?’
To me it is a moment where you are complete.
Satisfied with your own being.
Not considered with outside influences.
Not going beyond your feelings, perhaps even thoughts.
However, even if it isn’t like that.
It doesn’t matter.
Then there is still something to be learning.
It is that I returned to Lisbon and had talks about dating.
I was wondering if boys think the same as girls.
If they think further when they meet someone.
I am not speaking about what they think about getting married, or fantasizing about their outfit at the altar.
But perhaps it is more innocent, or less far fetched.
I don’t know how to explain otherwise, for the simple fact that I am just asking this.
If boys also do that.
I am somewhere in between.
I don’t know if you can call it being stuck.
Perhaps preparing for something that is coming.
At least it feels like it is near to me.
It is that I saw a lot of content about an American couple.
I thought at first it was about the reaction of the guy.
Because I only saw what he was saying, when the girl was sometimes ‘pushing his buttons’.