The Love Journey of Lakshmi
I believe a question nobody really thinks about.
At least I never spent any second thinking of it.
Until it came my way.
When I was thinking about it for the first time I realized it is something we take for granted.
Perhaps that is a bit too harsh to say.
I mean, just that it is there, without really realizing what it means.
I think that is closer to reality.
My vision when it comes to men is dark as days and I will tell you why.
They told me lies for their own sake.
Put blame on my shoulder, to avoid taking their responsibility.
Named me names and spread them for people to hear someone I wasn’t.
Went behind my back with another girl or tried to be with me while they were already involved.
Used me as a shield for their own protection.
Making me feel worthless by the words they used.
Touched me at places without my consent.
Walked away with my pride, to tell other people how great they were.
Then smiled at me, like nothing ever happened.
One punched me in the face, but I have to say he was gay.
The other thought it was ok to harass me, because he didn’t get his way.
What I try to say with meeting halfway is to be aware that we don’t have to take things for granted as such. Don’t have to lower our standards for the sake of a relationship, marriage, someone else or even for ourselves.
That is not the point of meeting halfway.
To me meeting halfway is that yes, sometimes things can be a bit out of control and we don’t know exactly what is happening.
I guess that is the road that we should be taking. A path to follow. For us to know we would be meeting that significant other halfway of wherever we are going.
To know, it will happen someday in the future.
But above all, expressing these pieces I see happening, writing it down, processing it for my mind to understand.
It is a way for me to continue on this road of love.
To see where this all is leading to.
Since that is the real journey.
Not knowing where you are going to, but to follow what we see and feel that is coming from inside.
A vivid dream it felt to me, but I think it was more something close to a reality.
One that is out there.
About men that do what they want.
Except giving the love that you deserve.
The man that doesn’t love you.
Not that this is his job, perhaps even in the first place.
Nothing he is aware of, or think he should fulfill.
If at all.
As that love story : ‘Will love happen in the future?’ tells a story with a photographer and about what we are doing.
‘Some cultures think that photos or photography can take away your soul’.
I believe we will be meeting at a place where we are both comfortable or uncomfortable at the same time.
It would be the same difference.
It is a way to come together, where we would bring each other down to continue on the beaten path.
Not to say we need to lessen or lower our standards.
I am not speaking about bringing each other down in a negative way.
But to bring us down for us to continue where we should go.
A feeling I have of being uncomfortable with myself as an example.
Where he is so open to do that.
Letting his eyes speak.
Something he is comfortable with.
Perhaps another lesson of love I need to find for myself.
It would bring me down, to the core of myself.
Where I could help him find his purpose in life.
Because I think that is something that he is questioning himself.
Something I already know.
To develop that part of himself, that is sleeping still.
Which I can wake up with that wildness that I have inside of me.
Whatever it was you wanted, it was without a doubt.
But the way you were looking for that contact was too strong and without solid ground.
I just didn’t understand where it was coming from.
It didn’t make sense to me.
However, only if it was something that we agreed on, once upon a time.
That it was your intense stare to wake me up and try to understand how you can reach for my heart.
So, I am telling you now.
It is ok by me that you stare into my eyes, trying to tell me a story with your soul, but only with the agreement that it has to come from the right point of view.
That is the boundary I am putting.
Anything love related has to come from you and only you.
Not someone that told you or something else related to that.
Then when that day comes, I will see if it is love related.
Whatever it is, you can figure out for yourself.
Only when it comes from the right point of view, perhaps even mindset, can I take it seriously and look at it for what it is.
Anything else will break my heart.
Because who is the hunter is not the question.
I think we are both wanting the same thing.
And that is all quite intense.
But I feel what this holds, only a one time thing would not suit us best.
I am letting you think about what that is.
For you to remember that whatever it is you want, it needs to come from the right point of view.
That is the love agreement from me to you.
Could it be that people are in relationships with each other, because one is less than the other and people are feeling better about themselves for this reason?
It sounds so stupid to write it down like this, but I guess it is a truth that is out there.
One I am getting aware about right now.
It is a form of dependence in my eyes, this kind of relationship.
One depending on the other and the other feeling good about themselves.
When I was thinking about this a bit more deeper, it could even be that these kinds of people are taking a form of identity from that.
Toxic, it is.
The only word that is popping up for me is to write it down like it.
I just have no other way to express and tell.
I hope one day I can make this sound better than it does at the moment.
Then I came to that point during my little break, where I was understanding why I was still single.
The difference in this context between a commitment and relationship has to do with that we start being committed to ourselves which can result in being in a relationship.
If you would ask me at least.
Being committed to ourselves is the start of being in a relationship.
Where we are committed to ourselves in becoming those parts that are necessary to love.
Necessary for ourselves to become, to be loved by someone.
What I try to say is that we can do things differently regardless.
Built up in time and space.
To find what makes our heart thick, to see what makes us stronger from the inside and believe in what we didn’t even imagine was there.
And that sounds like love to me.
It is not the knowing of getting involved, starting a relationship or that we get our heart broken. However, it can all happen and is all a possibility.
But the essence of all of this is that we are on the go for something that we would never expect.
Doesn’t that sound lovely?
I think so at least.
It is becoming a quest, perhaps one with an opening ending.
Where the beat goes on and on.
An upward spiral where we just keep on going.
A source to live from, to find out, we are loved and accepted for who we are.