Heartbreak - The Love Journey of Lakshmi

A feeling of ‘love disappointment’

Posted on 23/03/202523/03/2025 by Lakshmi

It was just a feeling I felt.
Perhaps even that stuck on me for this long.

A disappointment that we can have that kind of relationship.
Entertain it while it lasts and then when looking back feeling this disappointment.

I mean, we can have a relationship and end it for the reasons why.
They can be good or not.

We can hesitate before breaking up, even second guessing if we should do it all.

At least something I did, when having these relationships where I was feeling this disappointment long after.

I am talking about years and years.
Which I hope explains how deep this feeling must have been.

I mean we can come together, entertain what happens and have those love experiences, to make it worthwhile for ourselves.

All those feelings are real and we can find our answers that bring us further.
That we understand we are relationship material.

Whatever that truly means.

What I want to say is that these relationships I have had weren’t matching how I am, as a person.

And so I was feeling disappointed about those kinds of relationships.

Was it a relationship in the first place? Is something that is coming up now.
Or just something I believed it was?

To give it a frame?

Because we can do those things that are part of what we believe is a relationship.

However, does that make it a relationship?

Love happens when we keep our legs closed

Posted on 19/03/202519/03/2025 by Lakshmi

The starting point of all of this is, with advice one of these women was seeking.

I don’t know anymore if it was for herself, that she was on the go to find her answer why this happened to her.
Or to get a clearer view on how to help these kinds of women.

She went to a guy that was giving spiritual advice.
He was wearing a mask.

I thought it was odd, but when it comes to spirituality it is supposed to be like that.
To prevent people thinking it is a person who is saying it and the words come from them directly.

A way to make sure that message comes across, to not lose its power and have it spread as it should.

From this spiritual entity.
Some guy wearing a mask.

He answered fast, like he forgot to breathe or something.
It made me aware of those words to keep them stored where they should.
When this woman asked what this advice would be for those women out there.

He said : ‘Keep your legs closed’.

His words were cut short and they felt sharp.

It could make you angry if you didn’t understand it was spiritual.

It was those words that stayed with me, throughout my journey ever since I heard them.

The only thing matters is that you love yourself

Posted on 24/02/202524/02/2025 by Lakshmi

So that is what I did.
To find back what was mine.

Even though sometimes not knowing what that was.

The same thing as what I am doing now.
In providing this answer of who it is I am.

It is the world inside ourselves that gives this stability.
Even when we are not aware.

But it doesn’t matter.

The only thing that matters is that you love yourself.

A love spell

Posted on 23/12/202423/12/2024 by Lakshmi

My vision when it comes to men is dark as days and I will tell you why.

They told me lies for their own sake.
Put blame on my shoulder, to avoid taking their responsibility.
Named me names and spread them for people to hear someone I wasn’t.
Went behind my back with another girl or tried to be with me while they were already involved.
Used me as a shield for their own protection.
Making me feel worthless by the words they used.
Touched me at places without my consent.
Walked away with my pride, to tell other people how great they were.
Then smiled at me, like nothing ever happened.

One punched me in the face, but I have to say he was gay.
The other thought it was ok to harass me, because he didn’t get his way.

Pieces of love

Posted on 11/12/202416/12/2024 by Lakshmi

But above all, expressing these pieces I see happening, writing it down, processing it for my mind to understand.

It is a way for me to continue on this road of love.
To see where this all is leading to.

Since that is the real journey.
Not knowing where you are going to, but to follow what we see and feel that is coming from inside.

The man that doesn’t love you

Posted on 04/12/202404/12/2024 by Lakshmi

A vivid dream it felt to me, but I think it was more something close to a reality.
One that is out there.

About men that do what they want.
Except giving the love that you deserve.

The man that doesn’t love you.

Not that this is his job, perhaps even in the first place.
Nothing he is aware of, or think he should fulfill.
If at all.

Love is to cry a river

Posted on 05/11/202405/11/2024 by Lakshmi

This encounter I had with him explains that we can grow as a person by not just following any river.
Rather to cry one and keep it close to our own.

Walking that path where we can see in the dark, rather than taking that leap, without understanding.

It is this sadness that could turn into something positive.
Where this death of what is not able to live, would find its place outside of myself.

For me to be open for this kind of love to happen one day.

Matters of the heart, happen when we least expect it

Posted on 31/10/202401/11/2024 by Lakshmi

Because when we did what we needed to do, learned those lessons that are out there for us to be picked up. We can leave that place for us to never return again.

For a new chapter to open up that is good for our heart.

Love is an open ending

Posted on 08/10/202414/10/2024 by Lakshmi

What I try to say is that we can do things differently regardless.

Built up in time and space.
To find what makes our heart thick, to see what makes us stronger from the inside and believe in what we didn’t even imagine was there.

And that sounds like love to me.

It is not the knowing of getting involved, starting a relationship or that we get our heart broken. However, it can all happen and is all a possibility.

But the essence of all of this is that we are on the go for something that we would never expect.

Doesn’t that sound lovely?
I think so at least.

It is becoming a quest, perhaps one with an opening ending.
Where the beat goes on and on.
An upward spiral where we just keep on going.

A source to live from, to find out, we are loved and accepted for who we are.

We find love when we settle and find home

Posted on 13/09/202413/09/2024 by Lakshmi

‘Let me be your lover’, was appropriate to think.
And I felt it.

So, then I didn’t understand that at one point he came in with her.
His wife now and mother of his child.
I don’t know if he will have more with her.

But ok, I didn’t speak to him for a few months when they came in together.
I understand things can happen.

However, I was surprised.
Nonetheless.