The Love Journey of Lakshmi
Love is hidden in conversations, meetings and situations.
Just a few examples.
How we think and what we believe.
What we want and crave.
What makes our heart beat or just that we want to listen to some music and sit in silence.
Because when we think and see it like it is connected to male or female, we are missing out on a lot.
On what love truly is about.
What it has in store for us and how we can live a life full of love.
Don’t we all just want that?
Already when I was 5 years old I said : ‘He is just not into you’.
Before there was ever a movie made with this title, or pronounced in Sex and in the City by Miranda.
One of the characters in the series.
Or actually I said. ‘He just likes her better’.
And to be real, I said it in Dutch.
‘Hij vind haar gewoon leuker’.
Something I told my best friend then.
‘Why are you single?’
This question had been popping up in different ways.
Only because it was showing at least 3 times it made me realize I needed to find an answer.
Distance creates attraction, is something I was thinking for some time.
It was that I took my distance for a while.
Mainly from people.
It wasn’t something that I was doing on purpose, but it just happened to be like that.
I went back to the Netherlands, leaving behind Lisbon how I knew it, due to circumstances.
I believe it was a process that happened automatically.
It was that I was in the Netherlands, seeing people literally from a distance.
The space between where I was in the past and the difference with the present was giving me time to have a look.
It must have been a long time since I went out.
However when I think about it, that is not completely true.
It was maybe a long time ago since I had this similar feeling, that I had, when going out like the way I did.
But at the moment I was having this epiphany, perhaps even the experience, it didn’t feel like it was that long ago, however it wasn’t yesterday also.
‘But you know he is French’, is what my friend told me.
It was a reversed warning, because it was something I already knew.
And also because me and my french lover had ended it already.
The french are not that reliable when it comes to love.
The irony.
It was a bit of a sunny day.
One of those days it was lucky that the sun was still shining in the late afternoon.
We were sitting out of the wind and that gave us almost a summer feeling.
Although it was still winter.
We were sitting on a bench, in a park.
However there was a busy street closeby, where cars were passing by.
We already had to stop our conversation several times from the sirens of ambulances.
Perhaps it was for a reason we needed to stop talking, just for a short while.
There was a lot we talked about.
I stood in the shower. The water touched my skin, my body was silent and still.
I stood there so quiet, that I almost thought I had done something wrong.
Words that I wanted to write to you came to my mind.
But I have already written it to you someday.
Writing to you once again, would make me a fool.
So I am writing it here.
Leaving it up in the air. Up to chance.
A message in a bottle.
‘Do you understand that when you unfollow someone on Instagram it is hurting their feelings?’
‘No’, I replied. ‘I don’t understand that’.
‘I don’t experience it in this way, because it doesn’t say anything, besides the fact that I am not following you on Instagram anymore’, I continued.
It was a message on my phone that I saw coming in. I don’t know anymore if I was excited or not. That feeling can sometimes be a bit the same. I must have been tired for sure.
I was excited when I saw the name of the person on the screen of my phone.
We shared good moments. But texting wasn’t one of them.