I took a little break from writing.
There was no specific reason, however it was a full moon a few days ago.
It was just a week or so I didn’t write.
Although it was something on my mind all this time, when being on this little break.
It could have been something calling me to focus a little on other things, to get another perspective even.
Perhaps to look inwards and let things be a bit for what they are.
All legit reasons to have a little break.
Because the stories are not written on their own, I am the writer.
A form of how I am identifying myself, a part of who I am.
Taking a break is welcome in that process, to grow and understand.
Relaxing the mind and not thinking too much about anything until the words start popping up in my head again.
In this time of break, I was finding my own answers for me to continue on this journey of love.
It was a bit more than a week, I think.
I understood why I wasn’t in a relationship, it had been the main topic for the last few weeks.
This question of why I wasn’t in a relationship, or why I was concerned so much, was one as a cloud above my head.
For me to break it down and understand about it.
Writing it down is always a good way helping me to get it framed.
I was looking at the world from the inside, you can even call it an inward journey.
Introvert possibly, but that is not how I was feeling it.
Perhaps it is connected with my journey concerning love, or it could all be intertwined.
During my time of taking a break, I was playing a card game called ‘lying’.
We laughed somewhat and made food.
We had a good time for sure.
Some of the food was a bit spicy, however I liked it.
It must be my Indian genes.
Spicing things up from the inside, so to speak, it felt good like it was.
This is where the words for another story were showing themselves, about relationships.
Why I am not in one, perhaps not even bothered and concerned with it.
So, to me it felt a good question to answer myself in this time of break.
To give some kind of clarity, even how relationships work.
It was this conversation I had, I believe already a month ago.
Someone said : “Needy dogs are more likely to be adopted”.
“It makes people feel better about themselves”.
“In a way showing off, because the dog is less than who they are”.
I was surprised to hear that.
Perhaps even a reason for me to have a little break, to let that sink.
Honestly, I didn’t know this existed and something happening in reality.
It made me think about relationships between humans.
While on this cloud of thoughts, a question was showing.
‘Could it be people are in relationships with each other, because one is less than the other and the other is feeling better about themselves for this reason?’
It sounds stupid to write it down like this, but I guess it is a truth out there.
One I am getting aware about right now.
A form of dependence in my eyes, this kind of relationship.
One depending on the other and the other feeling good about themselves for this reason.
When I was thinking about this a bit more deeper, it could even be these kinds of people are taking a form of identity.
Toxic.
The only word popping up, for me to write it down like this.
I just have no other way to express and tell.
I hope one day I can make this sound better than it does.
Then I came to that point during my little break from writing, where I was understanding why I was still single.
With this epiphany some people are together with each other in this kind of dependence, what they call a relationship. To feel good about themselves, because the other is less of them.
I guess I am just happy.