It took a little break from writing.
There was no specific reason for that, however it was a full moon a few days ago.
It was just a week or so that I didn’t write.
Although it was something that was on my mind all this time, when being on this little break.
It could have been something that was calling me to focus a little on other things.
To get another perspective even.
Perhaps to look inwards and let things be a bit for what they are.
All legit reasons to just have a little break.
Because the stories are not written on their own.
I am the writer of these stories.
A form of how I am identifying myself.
Just a part of who I am.
Taking a break is welcome in that process.
To grow and understand.
Relaxing the mind and not thinking too much about anything until the words start popping up in my head again.
What I am doing in this journey of love, or just what I am calling it.
In this time of break, I was finding my own answers for me to continue on this journey of love.
And that is where I was, when on this little break.
However it was a bit more than a week, I think.
I understood why I wasn’t in a relationship, because that had been the main topic for the last few weeks, maybe even already a month by now.
This question of why I wasn’t in a relationship, or why I was concerned so much about it, was one that was a cloud above my head. For me to break it down and understand about it.
Writing it down is always a good way that helps me to get it framed.
I was looking at the world from the inside, you can even call it an inward journey.
Introvert even, but that is not how I was feeling it.
Perhaps it is connected with my journey that concerns love, or it could all be intertwined.
I guess that could just be true.
I was playing a card game called ‘lying’ right after dark.
We laughed somewhat and made food.
We had a good time for sure.
Some of the food was a bit spicy, however I liked it.
It must be my Indian genes.
Spicing things up from the inside, so to speak.
It felt good like it was.
That is where the words for another story were showing themselves.
About relationships.
Why I am not in one, perhaps not even bothered and concerned with it, like others are doing.
So, to me it felt like a good question to answer for myself in this time of break.
To give some kind of clarity, even how relationships work.
But I will let you be the judge of that.
You can let me know, if you want to.
It was this conversation I had, I believe already a month ago.
Someone said that needy dogs are more likely to be adopted, since people like to have that kind of dog. Some thing that they can feel better about themselves.
In a way showing off, because the dog is less than who they are.
I was surprised to hear that.
Perhaps that was even a reason for me to have a little break, to let that sink.
Because honestly I didn’t know that this existed and something that is happening in reality.
It made me think about relationships between humans.
And while on this cloud of thoughts, another question that was showing.
Could it be that people are in relationships with each other, because one is less than the other and the other is feeling better about themselves for this reason?
It sounds so stupid to write it down like this, but I guess it is a truth that is out there.
One I am getting aware about right now.
It is a form of dependence in my eyes, this kind of relationship.
One depending on the other and the other feeling good about themselves for this reason.
When I was thinking about this a bit more deeper, it could even be that these kinds of people are taking a form of identity from that.
Toxic, it is.
The only word that is popping up in my mind.
For me to write it down like this.
I just have no other way to express and tell.
I hope one day I can make this sound better than it does at the moment.
Then I came to that point during my little break, where I was understanding why I was still single.
I am not dependent on anyone, and I don’t feel better about myself, because I am with someone where the other is less than I am.
It wouldn’t feel good to me and it shows, because I am not with anyone.
Another piece of myself that I am finding, apart from that I am the writer of the stories where I am looking to find answers of love.
Perhaps just answers for myself.
To see and process what is out there, to make me aware and understand how the world of love works.
With this epiphany that some people are together with each other in this kind of dependence, what they call a relationship. To feel good about themselves, because the other is less of them.
I am just happy I am not that kind.