It was a bit of a sunny day.
One of those days it was lucky that the sun was still shining late afternoon.
We were sitting out of the wind and that gave us almost a summer feeling.
Although it was still winter.
We were sitting on a bench, in a park.
However there was a busy street closeby, where cars were passing by.
We already had to stop our conversation several times from the sirens of ambulances.
Perhaps it was for a reason we needed to stop talking, just for a short while.
There was a lot we talked about.
Perhaps because we both have Indian genes.
We tend to just talk a lot.
I know for me it is also a legacy of my late mother.
But what kept me thinking, weeks after this conversation I had.
There on the bench, at the park.
Close to that busy street, surrounded by the sound of sirens.
Having the feeling like summer on a winter’s day.
‘What is wrong with being the marrying type?’
The first time I spoke about a possible marriage and moving in together was at the age of 19.
Then again at 24 and again at 33.
It wasn’t out of survival, but really something we were feeling, to be speaking about.
Perhaps it is not the repetitiveness, nor any occasion or circumstance that this is coming to the surface now.
When I write this, I am 38.
And not yet married. Still.
I know for good reason.
But what caught me in that conversation is that my friend got married at the end of her 20’s and was sort of questioning herself as she always had long term relationships.
It was like she almost condemned herself to be the relationship and marrying type.
For somehow I never wondered and questioned myself about this.
Perhaps I have been on such a long journey, I sort of lost track of that.
But the way she spoke about this, it gave me an insight about myself and perhaps even a piece of the puzzle I needed to find.
Perhaps it is the world as we have come to know with divorces, foul play and other secrecy.
That we, the marrying type, need to stay hidden, to protect our own being.
It could even be for me, that this is why I still didn’t tie this knot and even found my way out, when anything came close to that.
I mean, why should I get into any mess?
But the realization is the following.
I am just a person that wants to get married, for the sake of marriage as that is a part of who I am.
It is not something I do, because of age, circumstance, practicality or any kind of outside pressure.
To me, that has nothing to do with love.
I want to get married out of love.
I want to explore all the good things that marriage has to offer.
The bad parts I read about almost daily.
And I think, somehow all this made me become afraid of marriage.
But that is not what I want.
Besides that, when listening to my friend, I realized.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being the commiting and marrying type.
And softly I say, I am proud to be like that.