It must have been a rainy day.
At least that’s what I thought it was.
Outside the sun was shining.
I was thinking about one of my past relationships.
One that was stuck on me, for a long time, perhaps even too long.
But there was nothing that I could do about.
I have come to the point that I don’t think about that relationship anymore.
Or just once a while.
I broke free, is when I think about that time.
When I was together with him.
Was I ever kept hostile?
I couldn’t really say.
It felt like a torture.
A prison.
Of my mind, body and soul.
However it had nothing to do with him.
That I felt like this.
It was just that I had met myself, parts of myself.
Parts of that had made me feel like I was in a prison and I couldn’t break free.
Unhealthy habits, thoughts or just things that weren’t mine in the first place.
It was me all along.
Not that I had done anything wrong.
‘How could it ever occur or could happen?’
‘Where did I go wrong?’
‘What did I do wrong?’
‘Why did it come so far?’
Questions, I had asked myself many times, after I broke up with him.
There is nothing that could answer that.
There just isn’t.
And that really is the truth.
Even if I go over and over again.
I can’t break free from that, as I never was kept hostile in the first place.
The meeting with him, was just necessary.
That I needed that to change for myself.
I needed this other person to come in my life, so it could be presented to me.
An epiphany.
A revelation.
There was nothing in that relationship that was connected to him.
And perhaps that’s all there ever was and needed to be said.