It must have been a rainy day.
At least that’s what I thought it was.
Outside the sun was shining.
I was thinking about one of my past relationships.
One that was stuck on me, for a long time, perhaps even too long.
But there was nothing that I could do about.
I have come to the point that I don’t think about that relationship anymore.
Or just once a while.
I broke free, is when I think about that time.
When I was together with him.
Was I ever kept hostile?
I couldn’t really say.
It felt like a torture.
Of my mind, body and soul.
However it had nothing to do with him.
That I felt like this.
It was just that I had met myself, parts of myself.
Parts of that had made me feel like I was in a prison and I couldn’t break free.
Unhealthy habits, thoughts or just things that weren’t mine in the first place.
It was me all along.
Not that I had done anything wrong.
‘How could it ever occur or could happen?’
‘Where did I go wrong?’
‘What did I do wrong?’
‘Why did it come so far?’
Questions, I had asked myself many times, after I broke up with him.
There is nothing that could answer that.
There just isn’t.
And that really is the truth.
Even if I go over and over again.
I can’t break free from that, as I never was kept hostile in the first place.
The meeting with him, was just necessary.
That I needed that to change for myself.
I needed this other person to come in my life, so it could be presented to me.
There was nothing in that relationship that was connected to him.
And perhaps that’s all there ever was and needed to be said.