I don’t want to start this story with a conversation I had.
However I did have one.
Perhaps even like many others.
If it was the reason for this story, I can’t tell.
I think from deep down, it is just a road I am already on.
I can even call it the road of love.
But yes, an inner calling perhaps that wants to be expressed.
What better way to write a story about it.
And that is what I am doing here.
So let’s go back to what I want to write about.
On my Instagram I announced this story, ‘if Tinder is the place to find someone?’
I mean this is a loving way.
To get a love relationship.
The inspiration came from a talk I had.
It wasn’t really a conversation.
That is at least what I think.
It just came up.
Nothing really official.
I believe that is when you can call it a conversation.
When it has an intention of being said.
It wasn’t that.
It was just friendly and the moment appeared.
For it to come out.
Coming from the words that were spoken by the person.
That person said that he was always able to get a relationship when he went on Tinder.
Even used it consciously to get that kind of commitment.
But those are my words.
The way I made sense of what he said.
This is where I concluded that people are going on Tinder to find a relationship.
Satisfied is how I felt.
When I realized that.
However.
It was something else I noticed.
The beginning of this story.
Perhaps a beginning of a conversation.
Who knows?
At least my story has an intention.
To find answers.
For me to move forward.
Until then, I listen to my music, drink my coffee and let my fingers write the words of this story.
I hope you will like it.
The thoughts that stayed in my mind after this talk.
Perhaps even an epiphany I had is the following.
‘People go on Tinder to find a relationship’.
I believe even unconsciously.
It sounds so simple when I read the words again.
Something you probably already know.
However nobody ever said it this way.
And I think it is just that.
I mean, let’s just call it how it is.
There is a different way of perceiving what I say.
To say, there is more to the story.
I mean, in my story ‘a love monologue’, I say that when you are trying to find a relationship and go after it.
It is unlikely to find someone.
My opinion is, when you are trying to look for something you will not find it.
Perhaps be disappointed by what you will see.
It could even feel like a bad taste in your mouth.
Or that you are losing faith in love.
Thinking it will never happen to you.
Just a form of depression.
Not to say it is bad.
Because I have been there.
Perhaps this soothes your mind.
That you are not alone in that feeling.
So I guess that is not what I need to do.
It is a feeling I have that there is a relationship coming out for me, when I join Tinder.
I will find it just there.
I believe this is a different way of approaching this situation.
Not making it the end, but the start.
The beginning of perhaps another heartbreak.
Because that has always been my experience, this far.
At least I came to this point.
Trying to make it positive.
Somehow.
My name is Lakshmi and I always make things good, whenever it is a bit dark.
My heart is just gentle and kind.
Let’s hope my Tinder experience will be different this time.
The only way to find out is to go and see.
To follow that feeling, when joining Tinder there is a relationship coming out of this.
I guess.
I am still hesitating a little bit.
Perhaps not really sure if this is the way to go for me.
Maybe I need to write another story.
To clear my mind.
Or do some yoga and meditation.
It could also be.
Perhaps there is a lingering fear that is showing why I am hesitating here.
But whenever I was reading my words in this story again.
There is one thing about Tinder that doesn’t make me feel good.
So many people are on this app that don’t have the right intentions.
I can say, I have met a few.
Their intention is just to fool around and not be serious.
Pretending to be someone they are not.
Saying one thing, acting differently.
Being a fox in sheep’s clothes.
And that is not a fairytale.
Those were real experiences.
This has led to some of the heartbreaks that I have been facing.
I believe that shouldn’t be the purpose of this app.
It should be about people getting together and finding love.
But this hasn’t been my experience for most of the time.
My hesitation is grounded.
Caution and care are at its place in this situation.
I mean, I have always been clear about what I wanted and even if I didn’t know what that was, I would find out along the way.
Even when being on the app for example.
I think this fear had nothing to do with being on the app as such.
I have always found whatever I was looking for.
However I believe dating apps are too open for people to join.
It is leaving heartbreaks to the right people, because of people with bad intentions.
Those people do things without thinking.
I am here nice and kind to those who fall in this category.
I strongly believe that a dating app should protect those that are there for the right reasons.
To come up with a different kind of selection on how to enter.
Not just that you can download it and put on some pictures.
It would be too simple.
For the fact those heartbreaks have happened, because of this.
And that is where I have to leave it, for now.
I think there are too many stories out there already, where bad things happened.
Where people were meeting someone from a dating site.
So, don’t have to go over it again.
For me to question, how to make this a good one now?
Coming down from my cloud of love.
To not leave it up to chance.
I believe I can protect myself.
Due to heartbreaks that have been healed.
It can not go there anymore.
A building of resistance because of those bad experiences.
I can say with confidence that whatever happened in the past will stay just there.
For the future not to be repeating again.
In this way it is the lack of protection of Tinder I am filling in.
Love has no boundaries, until I decide so.
I guess that is the only way to go.
Where the only option is not a heartbreak, depression or misery, but Love only.
To conclude, the start of a relationship is not Tinder.
It starts with me.
Where I make the decision if that dating app is a ground to find that someone that is good for my heart.
I guess another boundaries I am putting.
Where I have the experience that I remain believing in love.
And if it isn’t that, a commitment where I can keep believing in myself.
I can’t help but wonder.
Perhaps the only question left to be asked.
Are dating apps, in specific Tinder, the right decision for that?