The search continues.
To find a place that is safe.
Or better to say a safe place to meet my partner, or lover so to speak.
Not something I am missing.
Just a question I was asked.
“What is it that you are missing?”
It was my psychologist that said this.
I answered : ‘I’d rather see what is there to find’.
Perhaps a bounce back and my resistance taking over.
I guess that makes sense.
Making a negative into something positive.
Because if you are looking for something that is not there, because it is missing, it will be hard to find.
Better to find something, the chances are just higher which is better than going after nothing.
At least my opinion.
The fact remains I am still looking.
Looking for someone.
To have this happy and healthy relationship with.
But where to start?
I am asking myself.
A good question to start with.
After my meeting with the psychologist, I had a dream where I saw an alien.
One that looked much like myself, but it felt different.
Although I could identify the alien as a her or she, I understood at the same time it wasn’t really a feminine.
However I didn’t find it strange.
To make it easy lets call this alien ‘her’.
She was wearing a green dress and had long black hair.
Nothing particularly fancy or special.
It could be from any kind of brand.
That dress she was wearing.
The face I couldn’t really see.
However it wasn’t scaring me.
Sometimes she was close to me and then she was a bit more distant.
When she was close she showed me things.
I guess where I needed to process for myself.
A way to keep me safe, so I was able to just do that.
Where I didn’t have the time in waking life to do that.
Or just a residue of something I was not able to process yet.
The dream was a safe place to do that.
When she was a bit more distant I was finding my way and understanding things for myself.
It felt very natural, I have to say.
Then this freakin’ alarm went off.
07.15 it was in the morning.
On a weekday.
It was just what it was.
I can’t say if this alien represented something in myself, or that it was something processing in me after that meeting with my psychologist.
It could be both of course.
The alien stayed with me all the time I was in the dream.
Even a little bit after, when the alarm woke me up.
I was for a few minutes in this twilight zone, from sleeping to waking up.
Happy she stayed a little longer, not off guard by the sound of my alarm.
For me to close off what happened in this state of being.
Where she accompanied me and protected me in a way.
I guess.
I remember that I didn’t finish this dream.
Not that I didn’t want it to end.
But just that my alarm went off, while I was still there with this alien.
It wasn’t really a feeling I had when she was around.
Happy or sad.
Not even that I wanted this alien to stay with me or to leave me alone.
The dream was just not over yet and at the same time my waking life alarmed me.
Perhaps there is something for me to find, that is leading me to this place to find my lover?
A thought I am having.
It is that I am writing it down here, for me to close that dream I had.
Sounds like love already.
Because it is that in the end.
But yeah.
I believe when she was close to me, she showed me one person and one place that were not safe for me.
The details of who and what I am leaving behind here, because it is only important to me.
No need to call someone out if it is only for me to understand.
I am sharing it with you though, because perhaps you have seen something in your own dream or in real life and it would be a clarification for that.
Anyway.
Then she was at a distance from me and I was traveling.
At least this is how I felt it.
But in the dream I was just moving luggage.
Helping some people, carrying their bags.
Going to a new place.
Because I had to attend a party, or something like it.
It was a bit blurry and vague.
Then my alarm went off.
So I don’t know if that really happened, in the end.
I think my body just knew my alarm was about to go off and I intuitively made my dream like I was going to a party.
For me to get excited to go somewhere nice and then at the same time my alarm went off.
I guess I needed this excitement to wake up.
For me to continue what I was about to do that day.
I am feeling less tired when I am writing this down.
Started even yawning and rubbed my face a little bit.
I guess we don’t need to be sleeping to wake up.
But what is it that I need to know here?
To find my lover or partner?
That feeling of traveling stayed with me.
However it didn’t feel like something I was supposed to be doing.
Traveling can have a different meaning.
I learned that sometimes we experience things that are far from how we perceive the world and we translate it in our mind as traveling.
Then we dream about it, we are traveling.
However it isn’t a sign we need to be doing that in real life.
A message I understood some time ago.
Already.
A safe place for me to write it down here.
In my journey of love.
Another meaning to traveling in a dream is that sometimes what we want to accomplish seems so far from our own reality that the mind can not comprehend or understand.
Not a disconnect, just something that is still in process.
A way for us to reach.
Our mind makes it notice to us as a dream to say, it is there.
It is reachable, just perhaps a bit far from your own reality.
Or the one that you are now living.
‘But you don’t need to worry about it’.
Is what that meaning of traveling is saying.
And this is where I look up from behind my little laptop in this coffee place I sit.
I regularly write my love stories at one of the little tables.
Comfortable I am.
In my own space.
If I like it here, I don’t really know.
But I am always able to complete a story.
That is most important to me.
‘Dreams come true’, is just the message here.
Whatever that is, you can think about it for yourself.
The fog in my head is clearing up a little bit.
I didn’t even know I had it.
It is a heavy feeling, but I am glad my own words gave me some relief.
To come back, when it comes to finding this safe place.
To find a happy and healthy relationship.
I believe there are options.
Dating apps and websites are just a platform.
Even other sources who are promoting having people meet each other.
It doesn’t mean we need to find someone from that pool.
We can make that choice for ourselves.
Unless you are an alien of course.
I believe my dream didn’t really provide me an answer where to look and find.
When it comes to that love partner.
There was just an ending that needed to happen.
For me to go further on that road of love.
Sometimes people and places are a blockage for us.
They close our hearts and we start to think we are not loved.
It could even be that it is the wrong setting for me to find that partner and that this is barriére, why I can not see where to go.
I even said to my psychologist that sometimes I need to be in a certain place and setting for me to get the answers that are helping me process.
I am just kind to myself here, because sometimes I am processing whilst talking at the same time and I can’t provide an answer right away.
To me that is what love is also about.
Whatever that truly means.
I guess this is just an example that I am processing here.
The most important thing for me to understand from that dream I had.
I can go to places for me to find answers and move forward again.
Different worlds I can enter, without being afraid and understanding clearly what I need to be doing.
Sounds like a good story.
Perhaps one that is going to be sold worldwide.
For people to read.
Not just those who can.
Read and understand.
It is something you can feel.
Also.
What I try to say is that although I might not be able to see, know where to look or understand where to find this loving partner.
It could be that he is also not in the right mood for me to recognize him as my partner of love.
However his mood is not my responsibility.
Something I don’t have any control over.
A lesson I am learning, for us to bring us closer together.
Whoever he is, or wherever he is hiding.
A clear boundary between us, because a relationship starts way earlier than that moment.
Perhaps you need to know that.
For me to understand that I need to go ahead on this journey I am on.
Perhaps he needs to recognize me.
In a safe place for him to make that move.
Not just a safe place for me.
I guess it goes both ways.
Sounds like a true love story.
Something is close and distant from me at the same time.
It is alien, however it feels like a party to go.
Something exciting that I need to keep on going.
That is all that is left to express from that dream I had.
If it is love related is the question.
Perhaps not even that important to know.
I guess this is where I need to start.
When it comes to finding him.
What is my priority?
It was one of the last questions my psychologist asked me in the counseling session I had.
In my next story I hope I can write down what that is.
Or at least why this is my priority.
It is my homework for the next meeting I am going to have with her.