I don’t really know what to call it.
Whatever it is that I experienced.
I think it felt love related.
An ending that was what I needed.
And for the first time my heart didn’t feel it was broken.
But then again it was also not that big.
I mean. It was never really a relationship.
To start with.
A guy I met, that I briefly spoke with.
Not even a conversation as I know.
More something necessary.
Since I was ordering just coffee.
It was all a bit too comfortable.
I think.
But it was the way our eyes met.
That meant something to me.
Something you can only feel.
I think with your heart.
At least this is where I felt it.
A soft skip, that you know is good.
But what happens in the heart, is not always a guarantee that it will mean more.
And I believe this is where it ended, as fast as it started.
However in real life it is not how it went.
It took a little bit for me to get there.
When feeling our heart beating a bit faster as usual, it goes also to other parts where love needs to conquer.
To find that rhythm of the heart, that is the best for us.
But it was nice to feel it like that.
Because you know, this time it wasn’t just me that was feeling something at that moment of time when the eyes were meeting.
I know that he was experiencing the same.
Meeting at the same level of having this feeling.
It was confirmed by the way we were looking at each other.
A little secret between me and him.
And it will always stay like this.
However I am sharing it here.
Because I care for myself.
I don’t know if he would recognize himself in this story.
Also since I am the one that is telling it.
I don’t know if he would ever read it in the first place.
But moreover, because it is also not that important.
Perhaps.
I wouldn’t know his side.
But it doesn’t matter much.
I think it would be nice for him to know.
But I know for sure he already has his answer that I was feeling the same way.
However it did mess me up just a little.
But not something to be worrying about.
Questions that were raising in myself.
Since he wasn’t someone I would normally fall for.
And I questioned myself, if that was actually something I was attracted to.
Not a fear or insecurity, but more if I wanted to be with him in that kind of way.
Because although he made my heart go faster, I needed my time if it was something that could be more than just the blink of his eye.
Perhaps this is why my heart didn’t break.
Not a caution but that I was able to take my time.
However it goes a bit deeper than this.
The core of it was the ending of our eyes meeting.
An attraction that I liked, but wasn’t just enough.
Sadly.
I guess.
We don’t always meet someone, where the eyes can tell a story of how it is feeling.
A confirmation that we are looking good in that moment and that it could be more than we desire.
And as soft as that sounds, that moment meant so much for me.
It lifted me up in ways I cannot express.
It was lightning my fire, so to speak.
In other words, it feels good when someone is returning the same favor.
Especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
I liked it.
And that is not a misunderstanding.
But you know, it wouldn’t have lasted more than what it was in that moment when our eyes were meeting.
And that is where I want it to stay.
Because if I would go back to that place and make a conversation that is out of the extraordinary, it would perhaps end up ugly.
You know why?
When couples meet for something that isn’t meant to be or even meant to last, there is something from the inside that wakes up.
Where we feel we are allowed to do more than is good for us.
The brain would not be able to cope with that, perhaps not even to be able to handle the heart.
And this is where the hearts would break.
So how come my heart didn’t break?
Well, I just realized that I could have a little fun, perhaps even a lot.
It could even become serious and a good story as well.
But it would always feel that something would be missing for me.
Something along the lines that he was not in the same field of what I am doing.
And this is where I was letting go.
If we would have started it off, it could become a recipe for my heart to be broken.
Or at least one of ours.
Because I have something very specific in my mind, when it comes to love.
He needs to be at least creative.
Since my whole world is just that.
Something I am breathing without thinking about.
As natural as the sunrise.
It is not so much a process of the heart or brain, but moreover a way to share something that is perhaps even deeper than that.
A connection of the soul.
To be able to share something that is underneath the surface.
And that is really all I can say about it.
Because real life love is found just there.
To acknowledge what you want and perhaps even a heart’s desire, can lead you the way to something that is melting the heart.
Preventing from it to break and all the sorrow that comes with that.
Because you know, I have already been for some time on this road of love and I am just a little bit tired.
This is just me saying that I am taking my rose coloured glasses off.
La vie en rose exists, but I rather want something that blossoms when the sun sets and where I wake up without thinking too much about if my heart needs to be strong.
Perhaps even waking up to something where I can hold his hand and he gives me a kiss on the cheek.
I am just signing up for something that is meant for me.
A contract written from my heart.