It must be that I am seeing a psychologist that I have my interest at the moment more on things considering the darker side of life.
I am talking about anxiety and depression.
Not specific to my psychologist, but in this story.
But apart from that it is also January, I always take the winter months to go more into myself.
To work on those lower vibrations.
A perfect time to do so, according to myself.
As life is slow and there isn’t much to do anyway.
It was the sentence : “You are not what you are feeling, watch them with curiosity”, that kept me thinking.
Not so much if this was true.
A comfirmation to myself that I was able to do that.
It must be January.
The month of winter.
Darker days and perhaps even colder feelings.
Anxiety and depression.
A topic that seems to be coming back to me during this time.
Not just in January, but it seems to be something specific.
‘You are not your feelings, look at them with curiosity’.
A stand up comedy I was watching.
Not that it was something I was looking for.
I was working night shifts and was lacking sunlight.
Perhaps I was missing even more during these nights, but the sun was most obvious.
Some laughter would make me forget about it a little bit and so during the darkest hours I was watching these shows.
Sometimes I wasn’t really listening.
It was just for my ears to hear that there was somebody around.
Working the nights can be lonely, or perhaps another darker feeling that was coming up.
But loneliness was never a problem to me.
Just for me to see how to go from there.
A point of departure or how to travel.
That I was missing sunlight was not something outside of the nights that I was working.
More a part that I was missing to acknowledge about myself.
Positivity in its highest light.
A bright sun shining in me.
Perhaps even one day for the world to see.
But when it comes to those darker and colder times.
There is so much to find.
Those standup comedians showed me more than just their stories.
I was even feeling sad sometimes.
Because darkness and light are the same difference.
It was those words that stuck on me, longer than the words were expressed in that one stand up comedy show.
‘You are not your feelings, look at them with curiosity’.
Words from the psychologist that were said, which were pronounced by the comedian.
The audience applauded the person on stage.
Not because the psychologist had said that, but more that the comedian went to see one.
I guess there is still some work to be done there, for society to accept that working on yourself is not something to be ashamed of.
That is really the start of it.
After that you can see what those feelings are meaning and that you can see if you are or are not them.
But looking at them with curiosity is something that is easy for me to do.
Perhaps even something that comes naturally to me.
To keep that kind of distance is something logical.
At least how I see it.
It gives time to have a look at them, before even saying to look at them in a certain way.
A disconnection of all there is.
Is how I feel it.
A stand still in everything that is happening.
And this is where you can go into deep.
Just a finding of my own.
As I said.
There is so much more to find than we know.
This is where we can learn and grow.
Even become someone that we never thought existed.
Replacing negative thoughts with positive ones.
Writing down, journaling.
Asking others questions, to give ourselves a bit of space.
Helping is also a good way to protect the heart.
Perhaps something you needed to know.
It is in that silence and standing still in time, where we can have a look around.
To make that connection with ourselves, instead of saying we are this feeling, we think we are.
Because curiosity isn’t that.
Anxiety, depression and many other mental illnesses are.
It is about finding ground in the love there is.
Even when there is nobody around at that moment of time.
The point I’d like to make is, that you can always love yourself.
For you to see that all will disappear what you ever thought and felt.