‘You know’. Is how I started.
I needed some time to think about what I wanted to say.
What he had told me was very personal and I could see he was still trying to understand for himself what he actually had said.
His face was looking down.
We were sitting a bit apart from each other.
I was looking at him.
I was ready to say my words, but I just waited a bit longer.
It wasn’t necessary that he needed to hear my words.
It wasn’t that I necessarily wanted to say something.
What he said was enough.
Although the words I said to him are what I want to write here.
However the delicateness of that moment is holding me back.
It is the words of trust that he spoke.
Of his life, of what it was he expressed just to me.
Not a conscious choice of speaking it to me directly.
Not necessarily for the world to know.
Although, it will never be known who this person is.
As the discretion of his being I am keeping a secret.
It is my responsibility to hold this discretion, for his protection to grow, process and understand.
As I am the keeper of secrets.
Your secret is safe with me.
You are safe.
Better to share that together.
I am the protector of humanity.
It is my role and responsibility.
A place I will for ever stay and be.
Speaking about a place to call home.
Silence is the best medicine and one day it will be his, to express this to the world himself.
On a conscious level. That he was practicing just there at that moment with me.
A way I am clearing for him, to some day be that person.
To express, to share, to make him become who he is, already.
Showing that to me at that moment.
As the Love of a mother goes to make you feel.
What is needed for you to grow and become.
As you are.
Perhaps it is just about the message that needs to be said.
Not the words that I was expressing to him.
The same as was expressing his words to me.
Something I am just thinking about now.
We often want and crave this recognition from our parents.
A way to feel that we are loved, belong in this world and exist.
The love of our parents gives us existence.
Perhaps something you need to write down for yourself.
Only because they might be taller, older and have more experience, we tend to look up.
We put them on a pedestal, for good reasons.
However parents are just like other people.
Just human beings.
Often they are not able to express their love to us.
And we think we are not loved.
Something I have come to understand.
Even though they are not able to express that they love us, or show it in their actions.
It doesn’t mean they don’t.
They are facing their own struggles and do not always have the tools to act otherwise.
Still it doesn’t give any permission to do and act in ways that are not for our own good.
I hear you.
However with this knowing.
This is where you can understand for yourself.
To make the choice and rise above the situation.
To choose what is good for you.
To go after that feeling that you are loved.
Cause although parents don’t know how to express their love or to love in the first place.
Perhaps you need to know just this.
There is really no wonder.
If nobody else can, I am here to give you this existence.
You are here to love and to be loved.