It was that I was looking at him.
Not in a mischievious way, but I was just looking.
He wasn´t doing something particular.
I believe he was just sitting behind his laptop, a cup of coffee next to him.
It was not in that moment that I had this feeling or epiphany.
But it could be a moment to have it like this.
Maybe it is even intended to have that in these moments.
Who knows really.
I was still looking and it almost felt like I was staring.
He was still sitting there silently and me watching him, not doing anything.
I took my coffee as an anchor, perhaps even to gain some security.
It was a passing of thoughts and feelings that kept me occupied.
Then and there, when we were both in the same room, sitting.
Not doing so much initially.
The silence between us, always had been comforting, perhaps even how it should be.
There was no doubt, that we could just be, whoever we have to be.
But there was always still this feeling that kept me busy, in this silent portrait.
Where we both would drink our coffee, next to each other quitely.
It was something I was thinking about for some time already.
What is it going to be with him?
What is the future with me and him?
Not thinking about it too deep.
It wasn´t I was thinking about it in a sense of getting married.
More just where was this was going.
It was a first that I could be in someone’s presence and could just be so much enjoying, whatever it was between us.
But still, I didn’t know if that was going to be enough to have a love that could live.
Perhaps, it was in that moment, that I had this epiphany it started to become a love that was dying.
Because if it was enough, I wouldn’t be questioning it.