Many of my stories are starting with that I don’t know how it happened.
And that is the truth.
No doubt about it.
Just a remembrance of that this is how things sometimes start.
Not to say in real life.
Just in particular some of my stories.
And this is also what happened this time.
I went out to a place I wanted to go already for some time.
To have dinner, listen to the music and drink some wine.
To sit there and enjoy the entourage.
I had made a reservation and we were there on time.
Perhaps even a little bit too early.
According to Portuguese standards and I guess also Dutch.
However we were in Lisbon.
I was sitting there, drinking my red wine.
Catching up with my company.
I laughed a bit, because the person I was with sometimes said stupid things.
But I am sure he didn’t notice.
That I was laughing.
Don’t ask me why.
Just for you to know, he didn’t.
As I was sitting there, sometimes pretending to listen to what he said.
It was when a window started to open.
An opportunity that was rising.
It is that I was making eye contact with someone that was working there.
I can’t tell the exact moment, but every time he was passing by, he was looking.
I didn’t know how to feel about that, since I was there with male company.
Eventhough it was nothing love related.
Was this someone that was ‘diggin’ that I was with someone?
I was thinking.
I thought it was a bit far-fetched, since I didn’t knew this person and just continued to drink my red wine.
Still listening to what this other person opposite of me was telling me.
But as the evening continued and we were ordering more food or just drinks.
It was like an invitation for that person to make eye contact with me.
My company was still unaware of what was happening.
He didn’t quite notice anything.
Not that it has to be a secret.
I think it was just better this way.
I could be there in my own space, understanding what it was that I needed to face.
As this person was constantly looking at me.
What did he want from me?
Something I was asking myself.
I didn’t have a sign on my forehead and I was with male company.
It was making me a bit confused and even uncomfortable.
I was just there having a good time.
I laughed a lot, not just about the stupid things my company said.
Perhaps this is why it drew his attention.
However I can’t speak for him.
Just an explanation of my own.
To understand for myself.
Why he was doing that.
The evening continued.
The music became a bit louder.
We were eating and the plates started to become empty.
I took the last sip of the wine in my glass.
I was starting to feel uncomfortable.
How flattering it was that this person was looking all the time.
I didn’t quite know what to do when I was leaving.
For some reason this became a problem.
I hadn’t asked for anything.
Apart for some food and the wine in my glass.
Also because it was just me and him, having this little dance for some time.
So there I was, trying to think and come up with a plan.
As I was sitting there.
Silence was all there was, and the music in that place.
I don’t know anymore if my company was still talking.
But nothing was coming to the surface.
Basically I panicked there a little.
I decided to not act and not think.
Just to continue with what I was doing.
Listening and laughing.
Minding my own business.
Or faking it until it became real.
Because how would he know?
Just being smart here.
And that is how it went.
The way out of something I didn’t ask for.
I paid my own part of the bill, not thinking too much about what had happened.
Keeping that door closed or that window, so to speak.
And while paying I waved goodbye.
A sign that it was now the end of what he was trying to do.
To this day I still don’t quite know how this happened.
As I made it safe out, it could be that he was trying to find a way out for himself.
The only thing I could think of.
What better way to find someone rich, try to persuade with some gentle vision and make intense eye contact.
Not that I have so much money.
But we were in a fancy place.
I am not blaming him for his acting.
I bet that it is not the first time that something like this is happening.
However the joke turned a bit on him.
I think at least.
Because I can’t speak for other girls and women.
Just putting a bit of a boundary.
Since he did come into my personal space, for reasons I can’t tell.
It is the fact that I am hopelessly romantic, which makes it not easy to bind me.
Also I think before I pay for my purchase.
And I know everything has its price.
The question was, what was I getting into?
By all the time we had, looking at each other.
I also had plenty of time to come up with all the scenarios of what would come next if I would go into this silent invitation he was sending.
But I didn’t even go that far.
I stayed in reality.
I looked at how he behaved there and then and how he entered my life.
What makes it that he is not doing this with other women?
Is what I was thinking.
Although I couldn’t catch him making the same move with the people around me.
It doesn’t mean it isn’t happening, because I can’t see it.
Perhaps I am being a bit dark here.
Not giving him the benefit of the doubt.
And why should I?
The fact remained that I hadn’t given him the permission to make that kind of eye contact with me.
He was going there on his own.
Locking me in that space.
For the simple fact I had the time.
A window that had opened.
However, an opportunity that I wasn’t taking.
It became the main reason for me to stay in that darkness.
Or just in my own light.
Where I waved him goodbye, when paying the bill.
And that is where it ended.