‘When I am around women I become ‘the man’, is what my friend told me.
Me and my friend, occasionally also work together.
I don’t know what made us connect.
We just did.
I was listening to her words, while my feet were touching the grass.
It was a nice day.
The sun was shining and I could hear kids somewhere.
‘What do you mean?’ I asked her.
My friend is bi-sexual.
I just become ‘the man’ in the relationship, but when I am with a man I become the female.
‘What do you prefer?’ I asked.
‘I like to be the female’, is what she said.
‘I can’t really relate, to what you say, because I am not bi-sexual’. I told her.
I have always wondered though. During studying.
Looked at these girls, kissing other girls.
I never had the feeling of kissing a girl.
I have felt bad about it for a long time. Like there is something wrong with me, that I don’t have that urge. That I am missing out on that experience.
Of course I see women and sometimes I think. ‘she is beautiful’. ‘I like her skirt, or where does she cuts her hair or buys her lipstick’.
But that’s all there really is.
I have zero attraction to women.
In a sexual sense at least.
Never did it cross my mind to feel, to touch, to kiss.
When I was working as a masseuse I have seen ofcourse a lot of women, almost naked.
Apart from that ‘profession-wise’, I don’t look at women like that, but underneath there is really nothing.
I don’t even wonder what it is like.
There are no fantasies.
I came to know that I am not missing out of any experience, kissing girls or doing anything else with them.
When it comes to exploring my sexuality.
I am just 100% straight.
If that exists.
Perhaps there is a different reason to kiss a girl, but not when it comes to my sexuality.