“I have friends who have Tinder babies”, the lady told me.
I was watching the blond hair of the woman laying in front of me.
Her face facing down, I was gently massaging her neck.
She was a customer.
“I have never understood people who found their match on Tinder”, I replied.
“But then again, it makes sense”. “Where people meet, matches happen”.
“It isn’t that hard to understand actually”.
I was satisfied with my own answer.
“My friends tell me I should go on Tinder”, the blonde woman said.
She was still laying face down on the massage table.
They tell me, “It’s good for you, you should really go on there”.
“I sit on the couch and think, it’s easy for you to speak”.
“You have no idea what kind of people are on this dating-app”.
“Really, some of these guys!”
She stopped talking.
She couldn’t find the words to explain.
“Yeah, it’s really a jungle out there”.
I sort of filled in the words.
“I think if you go on there, to find your partner, you will not find it there”, I continued.
“Love doesn’t find itself like that”.
“Especially when you think, you are really ready”.
“If you want to find your partner with that mindset, it will be out of desperation”, I told the woman.
“But of course some people are”.
I started laughing.
“At least that’s my opinion and what I think”.
“Do you understand what I mean?” I asked the woman.
The woman was quiet.
I didn’t know if she understood, or she was contemplating on what I said.
I continued. “But you know..”.
“I always go on the dating-app, to find answers”.
“About myself”.
“The conversation’s always tell me things I don’t know, about myself”.
“I am confronted to come clean about who I am as a person”.
“A finding of identity”.
“Relatively easy questions, where I am from, what I am doing or what kind of job I have, make me aware of my life, my own insecurities or things I still need to work on for myself”.
“Also accomplishments, talents I have or dreams I want to pursue”.
“Dating is for me a reflection of who I am and an investment in myself”.
“When it comes to love”.
I took a small breath.
“I need to experience in real life”.
“If the words he speaks are true, come from a good place and mean well”.
“To me those are components of trust and not related to dating”.
“I talk about love here, to see if I can be in a relationship with this other person”.
“It means I need to see how he handles a situation, if he has a sense of understanding and can adjust to a circumstance”.
“It isn’t as complicated as I am saying”.
“What I mean to say is I need to experience this in real life, I can’t do that through an dating-app”.
“Through an app, the technology and the distance between me and that other person blocks that, to see if he can meet these standards”.
“These aren’t conditions, the other person has to meet”.
“Love is still unconditional”.
“These are just standards for me, to see if I am on the same level with this other person and to see if there is ground to go further”.
“To see if it is possible to be in a relationship”.
I continued the monologue.
“I need to feel, see and experience in reality”.
“In a place where I feel safe, comfortable and at ease”.
‘To make sure this other person can measure these standards”.
“This knowledge is my guide when it comes to committing to a relationship”.
“Are we on the same level?”
Is the question here.
The woman was still laying on the massage table, her face down.
I could feel her breath under my hands moving evenly.
I think she fell asleep.
I looked at the clock, almost 30 minutes passed.