The Love Journey of Lakshmi
Many things are going on.
Mainly in myself.
Big things that are happening.
And I am starting to understand it is getting time.
Finally not running out of it anymore.
Just saying this to myself.
It was that when I was in that place where I was feeling that I wasn’t fitting in.
Watching my surroundings.
Something I was writing in my story ‘the box of love’.
A start of finding that place I belong.
‘How old are you?’
A question that is rising more often.
Soon after I say my age, the question is sometimes: ‘Do you still want children?’
Not so much in a sense of dating, but it is the way Dutch people are speaking.
It was one time when I was working in the restaurant that I said ‘I am 38’.
I think the customer was overwhelmed by that number and said : ‘You need to hurry before getting children’.
With one of my lovers I had some words.
Arguing is not something I like, but sometimes it just happens.
He had said it already a couple of times.
“They gave you clothes and a roof above your head, you should be more appreciative”.
He was talking about my adoptive parents and even called himself in this argument we had, the advocate of the devil.
There is this reel on Instagram I keep on watching.
Over and over again. The same video’s.
It has been weeks already.
So much of his reels and posts I have seen.
It is beginning to understand for me, that this repeatedness of this content is trying to show me something that is there for me to comprehend.
A lesson to be learned or something to be said.