The Love Journey of Lakshmi
Also I believe in the purpose of being single.
Where I mean kissing and any other thing related to that, without any attachment and responsibility.
Because those are some things I believe we need to fulfill.
Something essential for us to pass to the next chapter in our lovelife.
Whatever that is and means.
Because one day we will die for sure.
Many things are going on.
Mainly in myself.
Big things that are happening.
And I am starting to understand it is getting time.
Finally not running out of it anymore.
Just saying this to myself.
It was that when I was in that place where I was feeling that I wasn’t fitting in.
Watching my surroundings.
Something I was writing in my story ‘the box of love’.
A start of finding that place I belong.
I believe it was a few months ago that I had no interest in looking at men.
Not that I was interested in women or wanting to explore that side.
It was just that I wasn’t looking at all.
It felt I needed to be in that place to see things in introspect and investigate something deeper to understand myself better.
I knew it had a purpose.
More about this in my story : ‘As long as you smile and not make big mistakes, all will be fine’.
That said, I believe I am coming out of a shell.
It is long I have struggled with the relationship with my mother.
A connection never lost, since we were separated, when our ways parted in Mumbai, India.
However the connection got lost somehow.
Not necessarily to be found, but due to space, time and the way of living.
Not by circumstance.
It is the reconnection of her presence. To understand her passing.
To grieve a loss that is part of life.
We all loose someone that is dear to our heart at one point in our life.
But it makes me wonder, what it is that makes it special.
This reconnection with my mother.
There is something I want to say and set straigth about arranged marriage.
After my father died and my mother was left with me. It was the opinion of white people I believed.
There was this article I was reading.
It was about two people who had decided to step out of life, together.
A forced death by themselves, cause they had decided they couldn’t live without the other.
Sometimes we need to be alone.
Just a walk of life.
For our own specific reasons.
Lately I am alone a lot.
There is just nobody. Really.
This is not some sad love story.
However, my heart has been broken.
I have cried many tears.
I don’t know exactly anymore how we finished the conversation.
But I remember turning around again and sitting behind my computer.
I was at work, having this conversation.
While staring at the screen of the computer, I had to think of my mother.
How I could still feel her. Around me.
Tears were coming up.
‘What is this thing with Hedonism?’ I asked him.
He took something out of the fridge and walked back to the stove. He was cooking. I was sitting on a little stool, a glass of red wine was on the table.