With my last story I am asking if the use of Tinder is the right decision for getting a relationship.
It is a source or better to say a platform to get to know someone.
If that is love, that remains the question for me.
My experience has not always been nice.
I did get involved with people and perhaps you can even call it that I have been intimate with people.
Guys in specific.
Girls I don’t like.
Not in that way at least.
And this is where I rest my case.
Nothing for me to explore further there.
When it comes to girls.
But when it comes to guys, there is so much more for me to find out.
Perhaps even a part of myself that I need to discover, while being with them.
I have come across some of them on those apps.
I mean, Tinder was just one.
It had the most popularity.
Or the one that was most easy to use.
After that more dating apps came to the surface.
I can’t really tell if Tinder filled a gap there or that it was something that was needed.
People were meeting each other and I believe there is already a new generation coming.
Coming from those Tinder meetings.
They are called Tinder babies.
For some reason it sounds odd.
I guess it is just that.
Apart from those stories, about people who were seemingly happy and even married each other.
It opened up my curiosity, where I wanted to see what there was for me.
A clear hesitation, perhaps a natural boundary.
To create a frame for me to not get lost.
Let me say that it was worth trying.
To see and explore.
Heartbreaks that I have suffered, because of people that I have met there.
A road I have been on, to heal and understand.
I believe those experiences from Tinder have created some holes in my heart.
It took some time for me to mend and recover.
But looking back now.
It is where I questioned myself.
Started to hesitate about the decisions that I made and even thought I was going insane at some point.
It came from the people that I have met through the app.
I believe it is a byproduct from those apps.
I am not just talking about Tinder in specific.
Just an overall conclusion of what I have found.
Because I did go on other dating platforms as well.
I mean.
Great that it is a tool for meeting people and I believe it was more a bit out of luck than a conscious decision to create an app for people to get together and do whatever they do when nobody is around.
To say, how am I going to solve this?
For myself.
I mean, it isn’t really my problem.
But it became one, once I used those apps.
Fears I felt, even sadness and also of course the heartbreaks.
Only because I was looking for love.
I know it sounds very horrible.
Almost like I didn’t find anything good.
The only thing that I have found there, were pieces of myself.
How I felt and what I wanted in life.
Softly I can say that what I found on Tinder is not what I want.
When it comes to love?
Not really.
I have to say.
Mission accomplished.
I guess.
Not that I am disappointed.
Just a conclusion, to end that kind of chapter of my life.
I believe using a dating app should never cause mental or emotional harm.
Also not as a byproduct.
From the people that are out there.
Which led me to this point, that I am asking myself if it is worth trying again.
Using these dating apps looking for this relationship that I am finding.
It is a platform where people are meeting each other.
And that is really all there is.
I am happy for those who found each other and are feeling good about it.
The thing is, not one of those I have heard speaking about it, had really a story where I was thinking : ‘I also want that’.
It didn’t really feel like something that was for me, but I am happy I went there.
That I had these byproducts from using the app, means that something isn’t right.
Perhaps it could be me.
I am just investigating the possibilities here.
I believe that excluding the app as a source, perhaps a ground to start something special, brings the responsibility back to me.
Where I can choose and have an overview of what can happen.
I am just removing something I have no control over.
To me that sounds healthy.
Although I had to suffer or just suffered in general.
It is part of life.
According to google the definition of suffering is to feel mental or physical pain.
That is what I found going on those apps.
It made me human.
I guess, I needed to become just that.
Using a dating app to find myself.
That sounds like a better story.
Perhaps even one full of love.
I am proud of myself for what I did.
The bad taste in my mouth, that I had, is leaving.
Now I can finally say, I am going to just say no this time.
Using dating apps for finding my partner.
I mean, the chances are he is on this app.
It isn’t rocket science, to understand he is.
I believe a lot of people are just there.
There isn’t any specific reason for that.
It is just available.
To me that is not enough to build a relationship with.
It means I am the director of my life.
The start from a relationship is as important as the end.
At least to me it is.
The end is not to have that relationship, but that because of all the things experienced, either apart or together you have come to that kind of point and I can say : ‘We made it’.
‘I am together with him’.
That would be the conclusion and the start of us being together.
Nobody that can come in between that.
A built up of a relationship that is becoming strong.
Something that is important for me.
Don’t ask me why.
It sounds like love.
Leaving things up to chance, if it might happen.
That is just too insecure to me.
Dating apps are not providing a plan where you can feel and follow.
According to me it shouldn’t be a jungle, where you need to find that out.
That is too heavy for the mind.
At least something that I think.
The mind cannot understand that.
It also means that because of this heaviness things can happen we are not in control over.
It can come to the point that people need to take responsibility for their actions, while actually it wasn’t their fault.
In the first place.
Wow, can you imagine that.
Harm can be prevented just by not going on dating apps.
To me dating apps are just unstable in their essence.
For the simple fact they don’t think about anything else after that.
After bringing people together.
And to me that is even the question if that is really happening.
In the first place.
This causing misery and harm.
Heartbreak as an example.
I am lucky that I only experienced that.
When it comes to love, I believe it is a path already laid out.
So the mind can relax.
For it to leave that space open.
To understand the other person and get to know each other on a deeper level.
Something I welcome.
I would want this, to be honest.
So how to go further from this point?
I am going to skip using dating apps as a source for finding my partner.
As I said before.
I know he is out there.
To me it is more important that we are meeting each other at a place where it is safe and secure.
That is the only ground to build from.
To have a love that is happy and healthy.
And so my journey continues to find out where that is.