It can be that I was leaving and I had become softer in my being.
I was having a drink in a bar and he stepped in.
Unexpectedly it was, however there was always a chance.
I was in a very small town and it could happen that we would bump into each other.
Not that hard to guess, but also not something I was wishing or hoping for.
And so it happened, just like that.
I hadn’t seen him walking in. I was sitting a little bit with my back to the door.
Where he had walked in a few minutes before.
I was talking with my friend and the bar had been quite empty.
Perhaps just 4 or 5 people there, including myself.
Then, I heard people around and sensed the difference in the bar.
It was all of a sudden crowded.
Something I could feel.
That moment I turned my head, to see what was happening and saw he was standing next to where I was.
Perhaps just a stool in between us.
He didn’t say anything and for some reason I was happy sitting just there.
I was there first and also just with company, having a beer, talking with my friend.
He was standing next to me and if it was someone to make that first move, it would have been him.
‘Hi’, would be enough.
However he didn’t say anything and just paid for his drink.
He walked away in silence, but he didn’t pretend that I was there.
The contrary even.
It was at that moment that he didn’t say anything, but looked at me when I turned my head.
Where I was trying to see where all that noise was coming from, that he gave me that existence.
By just looking.
Me sitting there at the bar, drinking a beer, chatting with my friend.
We talked about many things.
He wasn’t anything close to what we discussed or the object of my desire.
And so the evening passed.
I had a few more drinks and was getting tired around 10pm.
Then I thought about that I needed to walk back home and didn’t want to come home too late.
That is where I was making my way.
He didn’t see me go, but did notice I was making a move to leave.
Perhaps for the better and I was happy for it.
It made me think about him again.
A different point of view I had or thought about.
Another possibility, even.
It could all be.
A way for me to continue, or just for myself to understand that situation.
Who he is and why it happened.
To ease my mind and make my heart softer than it already was.
I believe I had to see him in a different light.
To show compassion for the situation, perhaps even for him as a person.
Or the deeper meaning for myself.
To be open for love to happen.
Because when I think about it, I was a little bit angry about it.
That he invaded my space in such a way.
Stared in my eyes, so deeply.
Something I hadn’t asked for.
That I had to set that boundary.
One I tell about in my story : ‘A love agreement from me to you’
It was something in his personality showing there in that moment.
Staying silent in that bar, where he was standing quite close to where I was.
Not knowing what to do about the situation.
Me sitting there having a drink.
I believe that silence showed the depth of what there was.
An unspokenness, where silence was louder than the words spoken.
That was up in the air, right there and then.
Where perhaps one day he can say ‘hi’ to me and we could have a proper conversation.
Not sure if it would be at that bar.
However, it could be a nice venue for a love scene.
Who knows.
A speculation or object of my desire perhaps.
It brought me back to that moment, where he gave me that look, better to say that stare that made all of this happen.
These stories that I wrote, about that wildness I have.
Able to control that temper and be in charge of my emotions.
A moment in time I will never forget.
That showed all of this to me.
About who I am.
A part of my identity and something I have residing in me.
Something fulfilling and complete.
Or just to find more about it.
It could all be.
I believe this is where I had become soft and had to write one more story.
About him.
Since love is two sided.
Where the connection showed so much already.
A past life, where I am choosing different options in this life.
A memory that came back to me, where I question what we ever agreed on.
For me to understand better who I am.
How beautiful that sounds.
It made me set that boundary, but I believe it was something he couldn’t do differently.
Something cultural that became part of his personality and so I can’t blame him for staring into my eyes.
Because although we think a stare in our eyes is about us, it is something he started and therefore belongs to him.
I am just giving it back to him, in this story.
At a place where it is safe to do so.
An identification I am expressing, something he is perhaps not able to do.
That stare was a way of taking a leap for himself.
To make known what he is after or letting me know what kind he is.
Perhaps he was thinking I was the same as him.
It could all be.
That sounds even as a compliment to me.
I think it even is.
By not acting on it, I tamed that wildness inside him.
It made him become silent, which showed when he was standing there close to me ordering a drink at that bar I was sitting at, before he came in.
‘Flirting knows many ways’
That could even be a book that I could be writing any time soon in the future.
How beautiful what this stare in my eyes was showing.
By not following his eyes, but closing mine, staring it down.
It was telling this story.
A softness I am expressing, a way to be compassionate about him.
I think he is also just human, going with what he has.
I guess that is just what it is.
Although it did make me angry just a little.
The way he stared into my eyes.
It is an invasion of my space, perhaps even time.
Where I am asleep from the inside for reasons that are good for me.
Taking a rest doesn’t always happen when we have our eyes closed.
From a human perspective you would do too, honestly.
However that stare woke me up, to understand that fire I have inside of me.
And that can be many things, really.
Which I expressed in some of my previous stories and even this one.
To say, I am glad I met him on this journey of love I am on.
A gratitude I am showing and I don’t have to explain how my heart is feeling, since I wrote about 4 stories about all of this.
It really says something.
That perhaps one day we would meet again.
In a different time and place.
Where it would the object of my love desire.