It is a sense of belief I had.
I don’t think you can really call it an epiphany.
A community can bring so much more than we think.
Security and safety as a base to start from.
It can give those experiences good for the heart, and soul.
Partying, drinking till early in the morning.
Being shit faced and still showing up for that sunday breakfast with the family.
While we try to keep our eyes open and everyone around knows exactly where we have been and don’t even feel sorry for us. Perhaps even laughing a little bit, right in our face.
Where we are doing things which are on the edge, perhaps even we know we shouldn’t.
Or at least when we think about it later, telling ourselves it was a bit tricky, yes.
However there is no regret, just a smile on the face to capture this moment that somehow still is there.
Making us feel alive from the inside, remembering till this day.
It sounds lovely, the way I describe it.
Honestly I don’t know and don’t even have the slightest clue.
It is a journey I am on to find out where I need to find those parts for myself.
It could even be a journey of love.
Because what love is, is still a question to me.
Where I am finding the kind of community to experience feeling alive from the inside.
Where it basically comes down to.
That sense of belief I had, with the story I heard.
It involved the circus.
The death of a midget, which had to be investigated by the police, however it was by natural cause.
He told me how he went to that place, the circus.
It was more luck than circumstance, but it could have been circumstance also.
Those can be the same of course.
It was the meeting with the circus director, how he did not want to pay them, after building up that circus tent.
In the end he did pay them.
How that happened, he didn’t tell, just that the situation became a bit dodgy, but they managed to get their money.
I was relieved to hear, honestly.
He told me, they worked hard to build that circus tent.
It felt unfair to me, if they wouldn’t get money for it.
He told me nobody really hired them, just someone had told them to start working and that is what they did.
And so I understood better why the circus director didn’t want them to pay and the hassle they had to go through before getting their reward for setting up that circus tent.
He went from Switzerland to England. Then to Dublin and also Denmark.
They spend a long time in France. Marseille, it was, I believe.
These were the countries he told me he went to.
There was something with the wind, which became very dangerous for them to build up the circus tent.
However they had a contract, which said the circus tent needed to be standing that day.
I can’t remember anymore if they managed to do so.
It was a very long story, as you might have guessed.
I know from what he told me, the companies didn’t want to pay the full amount, because they were not able to perform all days of the contract.
Which definitely had to do with the wind.
I didn’t feel so sad about it this time, actually.
I mean, it was obvious they were not able to put up that tent.
People had already warned them about the wind, as he said in the story he was telling.
I believe in Ireland, the wind is more a certainty than anything else.
I felt scared knowing they were out there in that kind of weather, with the rain and I could feel the cold. Standing there, trying to build up the circus tent.
I was hoping nothing would happen to them, however he never said anything.
I guess, everyone was alright in the end.
It was just a midget who found his death, it was by natural causes.
The wind had nothing to do with it.
I was listening to his story, wrote down the deeper meaning it has for me.
A community can mean doing things we will remember long after that moment.
As a mental note what makes us alive from the inside.
Love is emotional, I guess.