It is a sense of belief I had.
I don’t think you can really call it an epiphany.
That a community can bring so much more than we think about.
Not just the security and safety as a base to start from.
But it can give those experiences that are good for the heart and soul.
Partying as an example. Drinking till early in the morning.
Being shit faced and still showing up for that sunday breakfast.
While we try to keep our eyes open and everyone around knows exactly where we have been and not even feeling sorry for us. Perhaps even laughing a little bit, not just behind our back, also not laughing in our face.
Enough to feel just that, where we will remember till this day.
It could be the only way to go, to grow up and become.
Or finding the one we love.
It is where we are doing things that are on the edge, perhaps even we know we shouldn’t do.
Or at least when we think about it later, telling ourselves that it was a bit tricky, yes.
However there is no regret, just a smile on the face to capture that moment that somehow still is there.
Making us feel alive from the inside.
It sounds lovely, the way I describe it.
Honestly I don’t know and don’t even have the slightest clue.
It is a journey I am on to find out what I need to find those parts of myself.
It could even be a journey of love.
Because what love is, is still a question.
Where I am finding that kind of community to experience feeling alive from the inside.
That is just basically what it comes down to.
At least for myself.
That sense of belief I had, with that story I heard.
It involved the circus.
The death of a midget, that had to be investigated by the police however it was just by natural cause.
He told me how he went to that place, the circus.
It was more luck rather than circumstance.
But it could have been a circumstance also.
Those can be the same things of course.
It was the meeting with the circus director, how he did not want to pay them.
After building up that circus tent.
In the end he did pay them.
How that happened, he didn’t tell, just that the situation became a bit dodgy, but they managed to get their money.
I was relieved to hear that, honestly.
He told me, they worked hard to build that circus tent.
It felt unfair to me, if they wouldn’t get money for that.
He told me that nobody really hired them, just that someone had told them to start working and that is what they did.
And so I understood better why the circus director didn’t want them to pay and the hassle they had to go through before getting their reward for setting up that circus tent.
He went from Switzerland to England. Then to Dublin and also to Denmark.
They spend a long time in France. Marseille, it was, I believe.
I can’t remember anymore if that was the order, at least it was the countries he told me he went to.
Then there was something with the wind, that became very dangerous for them to build up the circus tent.
However they had a contract that the circus tent needed to be built that day.
I can’t remember anymore if they managed to do that.
It was a very long story, as you might have already guessed.
I know from what he told me, that the companies didn’t want to pay the full amount, because they were not able to perform all days of the contract.
That had definitely had to do with the wind.
I didn’t feel so sad about it this time, actually.
That they weren’t fully paid.
I mean, it was obvious they were not able to put up that tent.
People had already warned them about the wind, as he said in that story he was telling.
I believe in Ireland, the wind is more a certainty than anything else. But I could be wrong of course.
I felt scared knowing they were out there in that kind of weather, with even rain and I could feel the cold. Standing there, trying to build up the circus tent.
I was hoping nothing would happen to them.
But he never said anything about that, So, I guess everyone was just alright in the end.
It was just a midget that found his death, but it was by natural causes.
The wind had nothing to do with it.
Because I was just listening to his story.
Wrote down the deeper meaning it has for me.
Love is emotional, I guess.
That a community can mean to do things we will remember long after that moment has passed. As a mental note what makes us alive from the inside.