I was thinking about my story ‘The power of woman lies in de sound of her siren’.
Where it becomes clear to me where I am in my own lovestory.
An understanding which goes beyond myself, perhaps even for the better.
Sometimes it is better to know afterwards.
It can be too intense when being in the middle or at the beginning.
The intenseness, the love I was feeling, reading my own past.
Creativity is not bound to time and space, it needs to be expressed.
A sound only understood by the uncommon.
Everything happens, for its reasons why, something I told myself.
Where I am being kind to my mind and finding a stability to build further on.
Which is leading to the next chapter of my life.
Or at least the next story I want to tell in my own love journey.
In my perception it was a long time ago, however it wasn’t.
It is still a little bit of a dark place in myself, why I am feeling it like this.
If it makes me a better person, I don’t know.
Nevertheless, I am happy I have come to this kind of place, where I can share it with you.
It has to do with love is a choice, not an option.
I am referring to myself here.
What else can it be?
Knowing this, I am more comfortable telling the story.
The way I remember, I had a conversation.
I want to say like any other day, but it wasn’t.
Someone reached out to me, in an odd way.
Responding to my content and for some reason I was happy it happened.
He wasn’t a stranger.
We talked, hours and hours passed.
Time didn’t stood still, the contrary.
Things were moving, something I was feeling.
I told a lot of things about myself, personal and deep, I wasn’t hesitating to do it otherwise.
The conversation continued for a little longer, but all of sudden, it stopped.
I don’t really know why.
I remember I needed to sleep, I had to wake up early.
Whilst in the process of falling asleep, I could see this person unfollowed me from social media.
It gave me a bad feeling, sour taste in my mouth.
I can tell, I didn’t sleep well that night.
When it comes to love, I don’t think certain actions should take your rest and peace.
The next day we spoke again, an explanation sort of came.
He was feeling lonely and needed some distraction.
Softly I can say, that wasn’t nice to hear.
It made me feel small and unwanted.
I started thinking if it was right all the things I had said.
Negativity came over me, I felt ashamed of myself.
How someone’ s actions can have an impact on you, going beyond ourself.
Something you get for free, without even asking or wanting.
A lesson well learned, I guess.
Questions started to rise, in myself.
My head was taking a leap with me.
After some rest and proper sleep, I understood it was a reflection of his.
I mean we are all different and cope with other circumstances.
When it comes to love, I don’t think it is an option to act in a way you are interested.
Even putting up that mask and talking for hours, showing and sharing something private.
Then all of a sudden, it isn’t.
Is it?
I guess, it is still leaving me a little off guard.
We all want something different.
For me it was a choice to have a conversation.
To go after the feeling of happiness I was experiencing.
The ease of opening up I learned about myself.
Not afraid letting someone in.
It felt good for me and I am proud of myself.
I also believe honesty lasts longer.
I think, because of all that happened, I forgot to tell him.
However I did tell him he should have told me from the beginning what his intentions were and by doing what he did, it was harmful for me.
When it comes to love, we should’t just do whatever we feel like doing.
In this way no heartbreak has to happen.
It is a choice we make to open up, to let in, what needs to happen.
Something I was getting from this encounter.