It was this last encounter I had, that left me off guard.
My little love crush, with someone I shared eye contact with, one day not that long ago.
However, I wasn’t prepared in any kind of way to meet him.
Perhaps something we agreed on many lifetimes ago.
To teach me a lesson of love, where matters of the heart happen when we least expect it.
Keeping me stabilized with investigating what this encounter has to offer.
For the sake of my being and finding out what I am made of.
Essential, to accept a love which can handle all of just that.
A hidden gem for me to discover.
To share it with you.
This is where you were showing up in my life.
If it was real love, remains a question for me.
But what the wildness of our eyes were showing, that story I was getting, by the look you gave me.
Hot and cold, a wild night on a rainy day.
It is a fire burning inside of you.
A passion even turning into anger.
Where I am glad I am able to control that wildness I have.
Perhaps a lesson you need to learn.
However, I learned I can not trust you, since you are going your own way, without considering me.
I am glad I found this about you.
Because although I write these stories considering love.
It is the reality showing something different.
A dance in the dark, a game of love perhaps.
A beat I can feel with my heart, not only because I am that sensitive.
Spiritual even.
Sadness is not what is happening, but more I wonder what it could be if this would actually occur between you and me.
I am already telling that story in this journey of love, to lay ground for it to happen one day.
If it is with you, remains a question.
I guess I am waiting to see if you can turn around your own life, to go after what you desire so much.
What I see when I look into your eyes.
It could turn into some form of pain, a sickness you can not heal from.
Nightmares showing up and nothing can prevent you from feeling so sick.
Not a man fever or anything you think it is.
No doctor can tell what you are having where you would be confronted by yourself.
Perhaps even alone in the dark.
That leap you were trying to take.
I guess it would be from your own actions and thought process.
The way you are from the inside.
A wild boy, reaching for the sky.
However your soul tells me another story, which you need to figure out for yourself.
I won’t go there, since I know my own boundaries well.
I am just here telling it to you.
For you to discover and go after what you truly like.
If that is me, I don’t know.
I am just a writer of love stories.
Where I once met a wild boy who stared deep in my eyes, some time ago.
Where I questioned myself these couple of days, what we ever agreed on.
It seems to unfold more and more.
When that day comes, perhaps it could even be true love.
That would really be something.
However I am not hoping for it.
Not even considering you in all of this, since you are not considering me.
It will save me another heartache or even headache.
Where I am closing that door behind me.
Because when we did what we needed to do, learned those lessons out there for us to be picked up.
We can leave, for us to never return again.
For a new chapter to open, which is good for our heart.
Where I am sitting in this chair writing this love story at a place I find solid and sound.
I feel trusted in my being, without being evaded for something someone wants for his own sake.
If I truly love you, I can not say.
Yet and perhaps ever.
You showed me a part of who I am, which was essential for me.
For me to continue to find that guy reaching for me, not just something up in the air.
I am not that kind of girl, in case you didn’t know.
However, it could leave an opening for us to once meet.
To continue our love story, based on this new agreement I made especially for you.
Where you would ask for my advice and tell me what to do.
Since that is what you are wanting and aching for.
Because there is no greater love than one that says : ‘no’.
I am just here to remind you I did that.
You saw me sitting at the table and went again to be in my space for your own sake.
To see if you could get some, one day later.
I can say, that is a short life lived.
While I was sitting right in front of you, writing this story of how I am feeling from the inside.
I can only say it was so difficult for me and almost broke me into pieces.
However, I discovered this strength I was having, to continue typing and pretending you don’t exist in my world.
A true reality, until you decide otherwise and show your true self to me.
A way of respecting me for who I am, leading us having our wildest desires come true.
I truly hope so.
Or just a wish I am making known.
If not, I think there would be another guy out there willing to fulfill this need I am having.
Waiting for it to be released.
For the simple reason I am able to control it.
That is where I will leave this wish upon the star, for you to reach it one day in future.
If it is this lifetime, I don’t know.
The least I can hope for is when that day comes, I will remember the agreement I made for you.
As a base for us to start in the right way and find out what this passion we have can lead to.
I am glad I wrote it down in the story : ‘A love agreement from me to you’.
Where I tell you whatever you want to do with me, needs to come from the right point of view.