A story to write about secret love, is what came to me.
It is still up in the air and something I am thinking about.
Good I started to type, a way for those words to come out of my mind.
However, nothing is happening there.
Something romantic is what I feel like writing about this.
I have never written something like that.
A secret love between a princess and a guy she met.
Is what I am thinking.
She was just on her way to wherever she was going.
Taking a walk through the forest.
Since that was the only way for her to get where she was going.
Not that she complained about taking that route.
I mean, she is a princess.
That word is not in her vocabulary.
But when I am writing down this start of this secret love story, it feels a bit boring to me.
Actually.
Because affairs and secret loves happen so often in those circles of higher standards.
That is nothing new.
It is most of the time also just something that is accepted.
I think in the Netflix show ‘The crown’ it is also said by the late queen.
Not in those words of course.
Just that isn’t much of a surprise when those things happen.
I don’t want to say too much about it, since I don’t think it is something I should be writing about.
Nor really something I want to be part of, in a way that I say anything.
But anyway, that is what I wanted to say.
It is what it is.
I guess.
On the topic of Secret Loves, when I think about it.
It can really go anywhere.
From something that starts at a christmas party, that evolves to finding out someone is married.
To get pregnant while the other person already has a family.
Yes, those things actually happen.
I have only read about this, never been able to get my mind around those kinds of things.
Nor will that ever happen.
It is too far from my own bed.
I prefer to keep all the space for myself.
I’d rather be alone, than lonely.
I guess.
But where people get together, these things happen.
The fine line between cheating is there.
That is really up to the situation and circumstances we talk about.
I think that we have to understand when it is a secret.
To understand that better.
I mean, if something is a secret in a loving way.
Is it a secret love in the first place?
Perhaps I am going too deep.
And the thing that I have never understood is when someone had for example a secret relationship or a secret love. In the sense he was already with another person and was falling in love with someone else.
Why would you stay with that kind of person?
That is at least a question I would ask myself.
I mean, I am glad nothing like that ever happened to me.
I have never been in that kind of situation.
But investigation, time and getting to know each other would only be appropriate as a solution.
I don’t know if I am predicting my own future here, where I would meet someone that is already committed and starts to have feelings for me.
I mean, those things can happen.
But then still, it would be a tough cookie for me to swallow.
I would not be a fan of this person.
To start with.
And I would also tell him that.
Straight to his face.
I am not afraid of that.
It also can save me a lot of harm.
I mean, I am not going to sacrifice anything for the sake of someone else’s feelings.
That is really not my problem.
And if they were mine, these feelings.
I would take the time to find out and see what they truly mean.
That is the only responsibility I have in that moment.
Something I should find out by myself, in my own time and space and not tell the person involved about the feelings I have.
That could sacrifice something in myself and I would never do something like that to me.
But I know not all people are like this.
Because I have met a woman.
Who did weird things, even when she was already broken up.
In that story I was together with her ex boyfriend.
I became part of a triangle, because she didn’t want to let him go.
He held me a secret for a little while.
It wasn’t a secret love as we know from the movies and books.
However it was a real life story.
She would keep texting him, checking my Instagram and when I was abroad she would go to his house.
The guy I was with, at the time didn’t have the nerve to send her away.
Still till this day I don’t know why he let those things happen.
It took me some time to break up with him.
The situation made me fearful and very sad.
I cried a lot of tears.
What the moral of this story is, I don’t know.
I never trusted that woman.
The situation took over my thoughts and mental space.
I started to not feel good and eventually also became sick.
So I started to do the only thing that I was able to do.
Doing what I felt important.
To keep the focus on me.
Shining the light on me.
So to say.
To not be drowned in her sorrow and misery.
She just kept on bothering.
Making everything an excuse to keep and stay in contact.
It felt like stalking to me.
And it was in a way.
But yeah.
Secret Love sounds romantic.
To fall in love with something that we shouldn’t do.
But it never stays like that, that is really the problem.
And the few stories I know out there, that they do end up getting married.
I just don’t know.
Perhaps I am devils’ advocate, but to me it is about trust.
How can you trust someone that is already in a relationship and says he has feelings for you?
Then I would just say : ‘Well figure them out first, don’t bother me with your problems’.
‘I don’t want to get a headache’.
I am nice to that situation, you know.
I am sorry, but it doesn’t sound romantic at all.
But I get it.
The excitement of having a secret love is something extraordinary.
Something that can make our world look a bit brighter.
Make our heart beat faster.
Where we can feel we are on top of the world.
Perhaps even finally reach those things we normally would only dream of.
And how lovely this sounds.
In my world, that doesn’t mean you need to go after those things.
You are feeling.
Because at the same time, you are somewhere on a cloud that doesn’t exist.
You might end up dead, instead.
There is this movie about a woman that has a secret love, but it turns out that her husband hired this man to have her killed.
But then the woman and assassin fall in love and kill the husband, instead.
I mean, WTF.
So yeah, is that kind of excitement worth it?
I think that is the question.
I don’t think so.
That is at least my answer.