I watch documentaries.
Mostly about the darker side of life.
Not because I like it or because I enjoy it.
But I tend to look at things from a brighter perspective than they are.
Watching the darker side of things balances that out.
It is education in a way for me.
To know it is also there.
To see the life of murders and other bad spirits keeps me grounded.
Perhaps even safe.
It is giving me the understanding and knowledge that these kinds of people exist.
This awareness is giving me a vibe.
Not the one that we know as from the weekend, Friday or even on Mondays.
But the vibe of protection.
So these kinds of people actually stay out of my life.
Because we can not predict the future and only can work with what we have.
I believe it is a protection mechanism that is built inside of me.
To make sure I am watching these kinds of things.
To give me a sense of belief.
To balance out the rose coloured world I am living in, that is full of love and happiness.
But of course this is not for everyone.
And so in some way this is keeping me safe.
Understanding the different people that are out there.
That is leading to an identification and self awareness of who I am.
All of this brought me to watch this movie on Netflix.
‘Lover, Stalker, Killer’.
But perhaps you already seen it.
As intrigued as I was to watch it, I thought the name sounded quite intense.
But yeah, I didn’t know what to expect from it.
And so I started it.
The way documentaries are set, is that in the beginning you think something, because of the information that is shown. But at the same time, it could be a turn around.
A way to keep watching.
Perhaps something to learn.
But anyway.
I kept watching, yes.
A love story, so it seemed.
And so it was honoring the title.
But then I was thinking. ‘What about the stalking and killer?’
And I continued watching again.
I will not explain the whole documentary, because it was so amazing that I had a bit of trouble sleeping afterwards.
And as I am almost 40, that was something.
To me.
However, it could be that I am in this phase of being interested again to date.
And perhaps it was something underlying in me that wanted to see this documentary.
It could be.
Yes.
The documentary shows a woman that is being a stalker, but at the same time is reported missing.
The car of an ex that was getting scratched by a key.
A house that was broken in.
Ripped clothes by a knife that was presented on the bed.
A burned house, where the animals were killed.
Even one of the characters getting shot.
This wasn’t just a documentary.
These were things that actually happened.
And the only thing that I could do was to keep on watching.
Where was this going?
Who was this person?
The stalker, the killer?
Oh, I wanted to know this so bad.
I almost couldn’t watch it.
I was so nervous.
But most of all, was this person getting caught and sent to jail.
I was hoping for it so badly.
But then it was something that made me think.
How could all of this happen?
I was thinking, all of this happened, because the guy went on a date with a girl.
They had met each other first in real life.
Due to some normal circumstances.
Yes, that is what it was.
And he was just at a point in his life that wanted to date again.
So he went on this dating site.
Apparently a lot of people were on there.
It couldn’t be harmful for him to see, is what he thought.
There he saw this attractive woman, who he had seen previous in real life and thought : ‘Well, why not?’
And then she ended up dead.
Jezus, isn’t that a horror.
I even spoke about it the next day.
I said : ‘No, this kind of dating is not for me’.
Because the thing is not the fear of death, but that there are actually these crazy people out there.
That do things.
Harm innocent people.
Even kill them.
I still can’t believe that.
Can you?
You think you go on a date and have some fun and then BOOM you are dead.
Well, you can imagine that I had some trouble sleeping there.
But yeah, to conclude this story.
Because it needs to have a happy ending.
I mean, I am Indian.
It has to be like that.
Nobody should die, because they have been on a date or had some fun.
Not just when it comes to dating, but just also in general.
I believe when it comes to love or dating, it is important to see the reality of what is happening.
Not only what happened to this woman and all other parties involved.
Even the animals that died in that fire of the burned house.
I don’t know how to make this a happy ending.
I think everything that happened there was just so sad.
I even cried some tears.
But I believe some people die as an example.
For us to know who we are and where we are going.
What is for us and what isn’t.
I believe this is not how I will die and that the way I am dating or meeting people is different.
An awareness this documentary has given me.
Among many things.
A vibe I can add to my cabinet of rarities.
And just another form of identification.
I don’t see myself as this person of that story.
However it is really sad what happened.
With this I am protecting my heart and laying ground to meet whoever is right for my experience in life.
To keep on going on the track I was already on.
But I believe this documentary was part of it.
To remind me of going forward.
Of where I need to go.
To stay the main character in my own movie.
And all will be good in the end.