Where there are endings, there are also new beginnings.
As I am still reflecting and making space for a proper closure.
Things are starting to open up for me.
A new way of living, which was perhaps always how it was intended.
It is this reflecting mode I am in, that starts to give me some realizations about my life as a lover.
There is this boy I met, shortly after I had arrived.
Some thoughts have crossed my mind when I left.
If there is a love for me in Lisbon?
I closed my eyes while I was reflecting on this and my third eye was showing me this boy.
That I met shortly after my arrival in Lisbon.
We were never really involved, it was mainly just sex and some dirty talking.
Even when we saw each other outside of this, we never spoke, not even giving each other an eye.
I think it was just something sexual.
I don’t know how else to call it.
Perhaps just some intense attraction that made this happen.
But as I was resisting the contact, I have learned over the months, it is something we both can not control and has a purpose on it’s own.
After understanding this, I became softer in my realizations.
He was in and out of my life, many times.
Where there is a lot of content on social media, that this kind of person is waisting your time.
I realized, he always texted me when I was to getting my period, or just right after.
What if it is something we both can’t do anything about?
Even when I was involved with someone else, he sometimes texted me to see if I was still with this other guy.
Of course I understand this is just my side of the story.
However from a feminine perspective,my body was trying to say that whenever he was texting me, almost at the beginning of my period, it was that time of the month.
Where my body is telling me, that this is a kind of partner my body wants to be reproducing with.
His appearance is very very masculine.
All of this I obviously never told him, but I did get really mad at him just once.
I didn’t yell, but my words were clear enough for him to understand.
A road I followed, to understand what is my own identity.
But that is another story.
I have shed some tears about him, where there has been feelings.
Although I have never really opened up about it.
It was a disappointment I was facing.
He was treating me, like them other girls.
However I can not blame him, if that is a reference he is living in.
I am pretty sure, there was a girl that hurted him.
What he did to me, treating me like them other girls, made me sad for sure.
Perhaps it is just this lesson with me leaving Lisbon, I shouldn’t close off my feelings for him.
For the simple fact I can not resist.
I just like him.
Although, not the way how he is showing at the moment.
Perhaps the deeper meaning of all this, is I just have to admit I do like him.
I am not asking him to show his feelings or tell me he likes me.
I can tell from a kiss when we once met.
If he does the same, it would be something equal.
More important it could be the start of us together.