The tears that fell on my pillow were soft.
I think only a couple actually made it that far.
Some others made their way over my cheek.
One stayed close to my ear.
I could feel it tingle just a bit.
I was too tired to whipe them away.
The drama has unfolded it by itself.
The tears on my face, I perhaps wanted to keep.
A thought had made me weep, or actually an short video I had seen.
An artist.
A woman, I didn’t know.
She was speaking words, of how she was exhibiting her art.
A thankfullnes she pronounced.
She spoke of artists out there, some of them never being exposed.
Hidden from the crowd.
‘Was I this art piece never to be seen?’
My eyes had started to swell, as it was my hearts desire to be in the creative scene.
The memory of my last rejection, came to the surface.
It had made me stop thinking about modeling as a career for me.
Ever since this rejection I had put it in the back of my mind.
Many reasons I gave why I don’t think it is for me.
Too old, wrinkles, not the right body.
Mainly, why I wasn’t good enough.
A self sacrifice I was making.
What else could it be?
The negativity had taken hold of me.
Where I had started doubting myself, due to this rejected.
I wasn’t the right fit for that agency, something I also realized myself.
After a long time contemplating about the words they had written to me.
I will not go into detail, what they said.
The words were said to me directly.
However, the way a rejection is being put on paper, can make a change in someone’s life.
In my case, for me to give up that dream.
Although I guess rejections are there for a reason.
I believe, it should never cause for someone to doubt who they are or for them to not follow their dreams.
I want to iterate that.
The rejection I experienced, was leading to more than a bad taste in my mouth, almost taking away my existence.
A simple, ‘Thank you for your application, we are currently not looking for models in this range’, I would have understood.
I burried that dream, right after reading those words.
It made me focus on other things and opening up for other dreams.
Writing came to the surface, where I don’t have to look anything.
I can be as ugly I want to be.
Something in me started to open up.
After a long and dark road I had walked, due to the words said.
By myself, with nobody around.
I believe I never felt so many tears.
As a new dawn started to awaken in myself.
Where I started to have the energy to whipe away these tears.
Something that came rising from the death.
Where I was thinking.
Perhaps I don’t belong to this crowd, that being exposed will never be.
For the simple reason a rejection can not tear down on me.