I was dressing up this morning.
First, I was wearing a green dress.
However, it showed a little bit of my hips and my belly.
Normally I don’t really have a problem with it, but I was having my period and it had been very hot the last couple of days.
I was more bloated than normal and for some reason it made me uncomfortable.
Perhaps because it wasn’t really how I am from the inside.
Although it wouldn’t have been a problem to wear that dress, I mean, nobody would really notice.
But to me it did.
So, I changed my dress to a black one.
Wearing something black, is always a good idea.
I took a picture in the mirror and a memory came to my mind about a day not far in the past.
Where I was also dressing up for just a weekday.
I was wearing a blue skirt, a white t-shirt, some white socks with stripes and sneakers.
When I was wearing this, I was thinking about the way I was dressed.
Perhaps I was overdressed a bit, is what I thought.
Only because I was going to an office and wearing something that looked more similar to a tennis outfit.
But I was comfortable with what I was wearing.
Besides, it was a temperature related to western summer.
I don’t know why I was so insecure about it.
That is where I left it and didn’t think much anymore about it.
When I was on my way to get my morning coffee, it must have been no longer than 30 minutes later, after I was dressing up.
The thoughts about what to wear started to come back.
It was a party I was invited to.
Better to say where you needed to dress up.
It was a short notice invitation and I didn’t have time to think of anything to buy and also what to wear.
Worst thing of all, it was even a theme party.
And although sometimes that means, you can just come as you are.
I knew the people who invited me were very serious about it.
I really couldn’t come there, wearing a dress, or just jeans or sneakers.
It was the day of the party and I still didn’t knew anything to wear.
There was nothing in my wardrobe that would fit for that occasion.
I don’t know what made me come up with this idea, but I took a garbage bag and cut the two corners and half a circle in the middle.
In the middle I could put my head. The two other holes were for my arms.
I had found 2 empty plastic bottles and started to wrap them with alluminium foliage.
I can’t remember anymore so clearly, because it was already some years ago.
But I know I only used one plastic bottle.
It was intended as an astronaut with 2 bottles of air, but well.
It was a bit hard to tie both of them to the garbage bag and one plastic bottle was enough to see what this creation was.
So there I went, by myself, not knowing anybody at that party.
Of course I knew the people that invited me and I was standing there in my selfmade garbage and bottle creation.
But it didn’t take long before people started to talk with me.
Not so much because of the outfit I was wearing.
Although it did give me some attention.
I think it was just a little bit of curiosity, because I was there by myself, I didn’t know anyone and also most of the people were together with their partner.
When the people of the party started to talk with me, it didn’t feel like a pity talk.
It truly felt genuine.
There was also this one guy, I didn’t know if he had a girlfriend, because he was just like myself.
Alone at that party.
Not that I was looking for something out of misery.
But if the occasion rises, it could be a great love story.
‘I met your mother, because she was the only one that made a dress out of nothing and the price was even under 5 euros’.
OK, maybe I was dreaming there just a little bit.
Soon after he told me that he actually had a girlfriend and was living in Amsterdam.
I didn’t listen anymore to the rest of what he was telling.
I told him I needed to fill my cup, which was empty.
It is something that really happened.
But to refill my cup, was a great excuse to get another drink.
Not because I was sad.
Just because, I think that is what single people do.
Also what he was saying wasn’t interesting anymore to me, because he had wasted my time, as he knew all along that he was already committed.
There was no reason to come talking to me, pretending to be single.
But to come back to my outfit that I was wearing, the blue skirt, white t-shirt, white socks with stripes and sneakers.
The similarity of the ‘home made’ dress that I was wearing to the party, is that it was a bit different than what most people were wearing to that occasion.
Not that I want to be different, however I do sometimes wear my clothes in a different way.
Iris Appfle, one of the greatest fashion idols, once said :
‘Fashion is to be brave’.
Not that I was following her advice, but just an awareness of something I already was doing.
But when I think of what she had said I believe, ‘fashion is also to go after what you are feeling’.
Because to go after what you are feeling is to me, not only connected to fashion, but the essence of life in general.
What it means to dress up, for a party or even to go to work.
Whatever you wear, it doesn’t really matter.
It is just about you showing up.
Because the thing is, you matter.