There is a story I wrote, where I questioned if my father loved my mother.
Of course this doesn’t come out of nowhere, it has been something I have been thinking about lately.
I was thinking about this boy that I have been meeting.
Where I didn’t feel even a single feeling.
However I was thinking it might change when I will just be patient.
Being patient doesn’t mean to wait, but to take the right actions.
One of these actions is perhaps even writing this story.
Just something I am feeling and trusting.
What I try to say is when it comes to questioning my father loving my mother.
I just don’t really know.
There is not a way I can ask them personally, since both of them already died.
But what I think, with the knowledge I have from my late parents and the things that I have been experiencing in my love life and love journey.
I always felt more love for my partner, I believe this is related to my mother.
It was for me a way to stay, because perhaps there wasn’t any other option to love and to be.
I was living in a certain system where it wasn’t possible, maybe even not allowed to have a deeper love.
A deeper love that was provided by the system.
I was thinking, perhaps this is what still is happening till this day.
Perhaps this is why we are talking so much about love.
The system we are living is not providing just that.
I was wondering.
Wouldn’t it be great to have a system which can do that.
Perhaps it is even my own system, now I think of it.
It is really a bit funny if that would be the truth.
It might even be the greatest love story of all time.
It is making me laugh a little.
What I mean is I think that at least my mother had feelings for my father, perhaps even he had feelings for her too.
However I already found out, boys are having a hard time expressing their feelings.
If there was love between them.
It is a grey area and perhaps not even something I should try to find out.
They were living in the caste system, where I can’t say if that is something where love can flourish.
Simply because I am not living in that system.
But you know, it doesn’t mean that I should stop looking for love, only if that was a mystery in their love story.
If they loved each other.
However, it makes me think.
They might were not able to experience love, due to the system they were living.
At least, from my own opinion.
It could be this is something I am still feeling and is in someway a block with people that I should be loving. To say my future partner.
Wouldn’t the solution be to live in the system, where love could flourish?