My homework for this week from my psychologist is writing about my emotions, and god I hate that.
Speaking about emotions.
Every time my psychologist asks about my emotions or something emotional I become defensive.
I don’t know why it is such a problem for me.
When she told me that my homework for the next counseling session was to write about my emotions, I asked her a question.
There are different ways to feel attacked I guess, or that we feel the need to defend ourselves.
Don’t know if these are really the same thing.
However they can be related I think.
My question to my psychologist was :
“If I write down that : ‘I am afraid’, does that mean I am emotional?”
She said, “this answer I was looking for, was not necessary for me to know now”.
“I could see when I was feeling better”.
It was something along those lines.
Life can be a bit hard sometimes.
I guess I am just feeling afraid.
Angry I have been.
I have felt undone.
I hadn’t any hope for the future and was experiencing a great disappointment.
I guess that is just ok.
I have felt numb, not in the mood to do anything.
That I didn’t want to go out of bed.
The world outside didn’t bother me anymore.
If it has a color it would be gray.
Depressed I was.
At the same time I didn’t feel understood.
I mean, it was clear I was angry.
I even yelled, repeated it several times.
More than two times at least.
Out of protection, for myself.
I don’t regret anything and I couldn’t have done different.
With this knowledge I start to feel safe again.
I guess that is the best emotion of all.