“When I am around women I become ‘the man”, my friend told me.
I was listening to her words, while my feet were touching the grass.
It was a nice day.
The sun was shining and I could hear kids somewhere.
“What do you mean?” I asked her.
My friend is bi-sexual.
“I just become ‘the man’ in the relationship, but when I am with a man I become the female”, she said.
“What do you prefer?” I asked.
“I like to be the female”, she said.
“I can’t really relate, to what you say, because I am not bi-sexual”, I told her.
I have always wondered though, during studying.
Looked at those girls, kissing other girls.
I never had the feeling of kissing a girl.
I have felt bad about it for a long time. It felt there is something wrong with me, that I don’t have that urge. That I am missing out on that experience.
Of course I see women and sometimes I think, ‘she is beautiful’. ‘I like her skirt, or where does she cuts her hair or buys her lipstick’.
That’s all there really is when I look at other women.
I have zero attraction to women, in a sexual sense at least.
Never did it cross my mind to feel, to touch, to kiss, another woman.
When I was working as a masseuse I have seen ofcourse a lot of women, almost naked.
Apart from that profession, I don’t look at women like that, but underneath there is really nothing.
I don’t even wonder what it is like.
There are no fantasies.
I came to know I am not missing out of any experience, kissing girls or doing anything else with them.
Perhaps there is a different reason to kiss a girl one day, but not when it comes to my sexuality.