I don’t know if it is because of the new year or the month of January.
It is winter and nothing is there or happening.
Winter, of nothingness.
That would actually sound like a nice name for a princess.
Not intended as a joke, but it sounds funny.
It makes me laugh, I have to say.
The new year is telling me to be doing things differently.
‘Is this really what you want to be doing?’
‘If yes, then clear your perspectives’.
‘Start with nothing, from a soil that is not prepared and dead’.
It sounds so inviting, however it doesn’t give me any perspective.
With nothing, there is really nothing.
It is not even empty.
With that I am thinking of my life, of being single.
At least when you are single, you are on your way of not being single.
At least, what I think is the intention of being single, to not be single eventually.
It means to me, a commitment to gather ourselves with people to be one day not be single anymore.
I wonder.
If we really want to be single.
What does that actually mean?
Does it really mean there is nothing?
No texts, no dates, no drinks, not even sex.
The horror, I have to admit.
All there is, is just me.
With my thoughts and feelings and a whole lot of other things.
Questions mainly.
At least in this place of nothing.
What else is there to do in this box of nothingness?
A real question.
Not even out of curiosity.
Thank you ‘Winter of nothingness’.
I just wonder.
Is it really that easy to wipe away everything?
Is there still something left?
To work with and start over?
Or do I need to start over, from a point of nothing?
Perhaps a last straw of restistance.
To push back and fearing myself.
Since this box of nothing and being single means to be completely in tune with who I am.
A complete ease of understanding that there is no fear and I am fine with just that.