A story has been on my mind for a long time.
It must be a year at least.
I never found the words to express and even now, when I decided last night before falling asleep.
I think it is becoming time to release the burden that is attached to it.
A touch can do much, the reason for me to start this story.
In a positive way and even when we don’t even think about all of this.
It reminds me of Casanova, whom I met some time ago.
This alpha kind, in a world as we know, can have an effect on how we feel.
For some a trap where tears are shed, but to me it gave the epiphany I couldn’t go on with him.
What that exactly holds or says, I don’t know.
It was just stressing me out to play a game according to his standard, because he wanted to stay in control of what he thought he had the right to.
I didn’t feel sad about it, but it could have been different.
Something I thought about for some time.
I was ok with some booty calls and something without commitment.
Where I realized that kind of behavior belongs perhaps to the kind Casanova hunts down.
Also everything concerning sex is in some way already committed.
Perhaps that was the mistake, I didn’t see.
What I have come to know after sharing the bed with Casaova and I just needed to learn it this way.
Where I have to go back to before I met Casanova and thought about the story I was thinking about writing.
We can meet people along the way.
On our way to a metrostop as an example, sitting next to each other in a car or just cycling opposite of the road we are heading.
These invisible interactions matter, although we are not even aware how.
I am among them and it doesn’t make me wonder.
It is a world we have come to know, common and how it is supposed to be.
It can save a life, if you’d ask me.
It is bringing me to this moment where some guy thought he had the right to hit me in the face.
An intruder in my space, where I thought I was safe.
He realized I was home alone and he had a friend by his side.
It was giving him the strength to act in his way.
However, it was just an opportunity he was able to take, because he was on to something.
Banging on the bathroom door, when we were taking a shower. Putting on the washing machine after coming home from partying, when we asked to keep it quiet in the night. Talking loud in the living room, with a friend or two, making us come out of our rooms and tell him to not do that.
It goes beyond the fact of education and making someone aware to grow the fuck up.
The fact is his touch made me come to this place.
Amsterdam, 2025.
It isn’t all dark, however fun isn’t something I would call it.
The pain and hardship is difficult to describe.
I was stuttering for about a month, because of how unsafe I felt.
The unexpected move went straight to my nervous system, luckily I have one that was able to take his punch.
The nightmares finally left my mind, however I still have headaches every day.
Although it is becoming less, the pain I have on a daily level, makes me wonder how I can still smile and think this world is worth living.
For a long time, I didn’t want to talk about him.
I’d rather focus on positive things and make my day.
What that is, I still can’t say.
It is now more than a year since all of this happened, I feel I am getting tired carrying this burden and want to release its weight.
For now the only way is to open up about this and make the world known this happened to me.
Of course I have been a victim to this situation, but I have understood we get to know people in the darkest times.
I believe there are people out there where their touch can make you feel good, unlike this asshole that tried to shut me up.
He thought I was trying to be the boss in the house, or at least the only reason I could come up with.
Why he did what he did.
Because if one hits me and I can prevent myself from falling down. It doesn’t only say how strong I am, but I hope to meet some people that can prove to me what good the world has to offer.
I mean, I am not giving up for some lunatic that thinks he can do whatever.