I don’t know if it is a phase I am going through, however it is something when I look around me.
It might be considered with the time of the year, where I am closing some chapters.
Looking at old pictures, perhaps reminiscing just a little.
There is no doubt when I look closer and all I can say it has all been quite an accomplishment.
What I have achieved, the journey I have been on, which is not particularly a loving one.
The old is fading, I hope the new is waiting and that stands just for whatever I am embarking.
Fear I feel a little.
The unknown can be a dark space, where I think I am quite comfortable about it.
It is bringing me back to the place where I am at the moment.
With myself, perhaps just where I am residing.
I don’t know how to tell you, nervous is how I am feeling and can’t help but wonder.
If this is real, or just a fairytale I am living.
There are things I would like to say and then, I reconsider.
Silence is my biggest companion, which I would like to bring with me wherever I am going.
If there is something I am bringing to the table, it would be invisible.
I think it would be more interesting than the things we’re already seeing.
But, before I continue, I just want to say I am happy.
I made it this far, sitting at this chair behind a pink door.
The airheater is providing the warmth needed, where I can still think about the important things.
And that says all about what this is about.
What I am seeing with my eyes wide open, when I was looking around me.
Something I was feeling and I thought : ‘Yes, this is exactly what it is’.
When it comes to my partner, perhaps even lover.
I think we all have to go through something.
Whatever that is, is personal, which I believe is how it should be.
This is where it is getting discrete.
Sorry, I couldn’t find another word, but I think it just works the same.
Let’s call them phases in our life, which are essential to keep our heart going.
When I looked at those pictures, of myself, I didn’t see the past, nor anything close.
I am glad, I am not dying and I am feeling good.
However it was this epiphany I had to go through everything I had to do, to come to this place where I am now.
Typing this story, behind my little laptop at a pink table.
For some reason it is hard to express, but I believe when it comes to my next chapter in love.
I think there is something I can see, behind the vision of the ordinary.
It could be a gesture, a handshake, a look in the eye even.
That is showing whatever is going to happen.
What this person has to go through or wants to show me in this second, that lasts a lifetime.
This is where I will know, perhaps better to say understand everything that doesn’t want to stay hidden.