Distance creates attraction, I was thinking for some time.
I took my distance for a while, mainly from people.
I wasn’t doing this on purpose, it just happened.
I went to the Netherlands, leaving behind Lisbon how I knew, due to circumstances.
A process which happened automatically.
When in the Netherlands, I was seeing people from a distance.
The space between where I was in the past and the difference with the present was giving me time to have a look.
It gave me the opportunity to gain insights about people, I wasn’t able to see before.
A reflection time about actions and words spoken.
Leading to knowledge of what people were actually like.
A closing of time, for me to be able to start a new life.
Understanding who is about to come with me.
In hindsight, perhaps this all wasn’t quite a coincidence.
It all has to do with relationships and connections.
Who is important to me?
That wasn’t particular a question, nonetheless important to me.
Distance and space were giving the care I needed, to see beyond what happened.
The occurrence of actions and meetings, made me understand what was healthy and what wasn’t, in these connections and relationships.
How to come together again, in the right way or who I was letting go for my own sake.
Interesting for me to understand, this distance was giving this knowledge.
For me to act and take care of some situations which weren’t good.
I don’t want to go too much into detail. Being discrete is one of my assets.
However, there might be something for me to explain.
A hidden knowledge, a last death so I can leave it behind.
It was someone I had met through a dating app, I had declined him.
He had found me on Instagram and started speaking to me there.
In modern times this could be seen as a red flag, I just didn’t really know what was wrong about it.
It did make me think and I thought it was a bit odd, since he knew I declined him.
Perhaps it was something I needed to learn, was my second thought.
We started talking and it was a welcome distraction for the things I was doing.
I invited him for a drink with people I also met shortly before.
A nice gathering.
He had brought me a gift one day which was for me a bit odd.
I didn’t think much of it, this could have been a second red flag.
However, all was still innocent.
I mean giving a present is nothing bad.
It happened when I returned to the Netherlands and thought about a friend of his.
A girl, he considered as a real close friend.
They didn’t really grow up together, they did know each other for quite some time.
I can’t really recollect how they met, I do remember it felt a bit odd.
It was still not enough for me to worry about a thing.
Yet, I think it was the start of a loading process.
This was the first time I started to notice how he really was.
We went to a party together, this was before I had met his friend.
We bumped into people he knew, I had to wait for him to continue partying.
It seemed to me he knew the crowd or at least had seen them before.
While I was waiting, it gave me time to take a look of what was happening.
Better to say what kind of people he was surrounded by or somehow seem to know.
The word odd wouldn’t describe the full context, weird they were the least.
The same as one of his other friends I was meeting later.
A connection I started to make, I shouldn’t hang out too much with him.
Then something really strange happened.
A few days earlier, he asked to stay over at my place.
When I met him, I had made clear to him he was my friend, or at least how I was perceiving him.
Something he had understood, because he was complaining ‘he was always friendzoned by girls he liked’.
It seemed, it wasn’t much of my problem.
My message had been clear to him.
Yet, he still tried to sleep in my apartment, where he asked me at least one more time if he could crash at my place.
He stopped asking me after I had said : “Of course, if you really can not find another place to be, you can always sleep here”.
It was for me, I realized he had different intentions.
He was just trying to get in my bed.
Shortly after, all of a sudden he had a girlfriend.
‘He was really in love’, he had said.
‘All was amazing’, he kept repeating.
He continued to speak about her for a couple of days, without any reason given, nor did I had asked for it.
I believed him for the time being, because why not.
I asked about her name which he never told me and when it was his birthday about 2 weeks later, he didn’t mention celebrating it with her.
Strange and odd were always around when I was speaking with him.
It made me confused, why he said or asked certain things.
The girlfriend thing, I believe he said to make me jealous.
I can’t come up with any other reason why he would come up with someone who isn’t really in present life.
Otherwise he would be really crazy and it would give me more reason to keep my distance.
The fact he had done these things was the last straw where I needed to cut cords with him.
It wasn’t just what he did or say, he had crossed my boundaries.
His intentions were no good, while for me it was clear from the beginning.
I don’t even know if this was a role he played or he genuinely wanted to be my boyfriend.
He became an intruder in my space, filling them with weirdness, oddness, strangeness and making me confused.
Making my head spin and think about things I didn’t want.
By letting him go, I am making way to find someone who has right intentions.
A release of negativity is what is happening.
Where perhaps I will find someone who does match my energy.