Yet another conversation it was, among the lines of love.
I think at least.
‘What is the type you fall for?’
Difficult it felt to me, to answer.
Again that question, I thought.
I still didn’t really have a real answer.
The same as those other times when that question was asked.
It is a difficult one, if you’d ask me.
“Blonde hair, blue eyes”, I just said.
The same as those times before when I answered this question.
It had become a default answer over the years.
Somehow.
Something I imprinted to tell, for the sake of just giving an answer.
It is really the truth behind it.
When I think about it a bit deeper.
I guess it is also a way to give myself a little bit of time, to come up with an answer suiting me better.
If you understand what I mean.
To say sometimes we don’t know or it is perhaps a bit difficult to express.
And so the answer, whatever that might be, would be good enough to sustain.
For us to think about the question and answer the question, the way it feels good for us.
In this sense to keep the conversation going, or just in general it isn’t much of a problem if the answer isn’t completely accurate.
Because not knowing your type, wouldn’t do much harm, not even to ourselves.
We will not fall off the earth or disappear in any sense.
People will still know our name and probably won’t even think about why we are answering this kind of answer.
If there is any judgment, it is on the side of the ones that do.
And well, that is all I can say.
It is to understand where we need to keep our focus.
Which is the meaning there is to it.
There is no shame there, a lot of people fall for people with blonde hair and blue eyes.
Even if they would never admit or tell.
I believe in this sense it was more important to give an answer.
Then to answer something right.
If at all there is such an answer, in the first place.
While contemplating all of this, another meaning was coming to the surface with me.
The lack of an answer to that question was showing something else.
To see where I am in that part of my life.
To understand better what type I fall for, whatever that might be.
And so I am writing this story.
Because I might not know what it is.
A time for me to explore what it truly means.
Perhaps a way for me to find that kind of partner.
Something I have been feeling for some time.
A search for that person, but where to start from?
Understanding the type I fall for, could be a way to come together.
It sounds like a fairytale to me.
But ok, let’s keep the focus here.
I am saying there might be a possibility he would still have these physical features, but to leave the preconception we have about it behind.
I have to say, it still remains a difficult question to me.
I wish it was as easy and simple, as some of the people I spoke with about this topic.
I believe, the type I fall for, doesn’t have much to do about some physical attraction, but more something inwards.
It could be that over time these two features were enough to build an attraction from.
To say, how this person looks from the outside would be the reason why we would fall for this type.
I believe this is for a lot of people a form of truth, when asked about what kind of person they fall for.
However for me it would be more imaginative. Where the appearance of those characteristics would have enough imagination to understand what that kind of person would be.
Which means we would fall for how this person is from the inside.
I guess, it could also be what we think would protect us.
A preconception there is still in the world, coming to the surface with me like this.
I believe as a woman one of our basic needs is a need to be protected.
Where in specific the type would suit me best in a world where I am finding my safety.
With understanding this, I believe I hit the core of what I am looking for.
I mean to say the outside still counts.
Just not as a first, perhaps not even as a last.
It would be built up from inside out.
Most important that feeling of protection and safety.
Where it remains a mystery if he would have blonde hair and blue eyes.
To keep the journey going.