I don’t know if I am getting comfortable with my age, however it is something I am not identifying with.
Age, numbers, how it is we should behave.
I don’t know if this makes me look younger than I am.
I do have to say I am young at heart, perhaps even with a careless mind.
I have found it is the outside what counts, what people perceive.
This is the world I have come to know. To be judged on the outside, so to speak.
Age has come to be in that box, of how we should be.
I felt at one point angry today.
People want to eat at times where I think they shouldn’t.
Of course, this is what my experience is.
The strong emotions started to fade.
I don’t know if this is because I am ‘getting older’, however we are speaking about matters of months.
‘Creativity doesn’t make itself bind’, something I heard the other day.
I was having a tough time writing.
It wasn’t as such where I didn’t know what to write, I was feeling it in my fingers.
The story already in my hand, but just not able to get the words out.
Frustrating the least, a blockage I was facing.
‘Whenever I see you, I feel a blockage’, was that sentence I heard.
Someone who wanted to have a drink with me, and didn’t understand this feeling.
I said many things to answer that emotion from the guy who spoke this with his vulnerability.
The point I made, is that I am perceiving love as a man. I don’t want to be attached, I want to feel free in my being. ‘Whenever I get involved, it is always getting a mess’.
A belief system or something I started to tell myself.
The guys wanting more than at first considered. Too many things I can’t handle and I don’t want to be involved with.
Perhaps it is something I should take into account to reconsider and change.
“Of course I want something physical”, I said.
“The rest can be left behind and I don’t want to think about that”.
But when it comes to age, I had my breakthrough just after a small conversation.
Someone who thought I was 24 years old.
It wasn’t about the setting, me working at the restaurant, where most people are around that age.
I understood this guy who told me, he thought ‘I was just a little older than him’.
He was perceiving the guess of my age, of something he considered.
A consideration of his own spectrum of experiences and how he was perceiving the world.
To make it understood for himself. Perhaps even where he could be at ease.
I understood the importance of age has nothing to do with me.
However the world has grown like this, where we need outside information to make the system work.
With knowing this, I can bend it to the benefit of myself and let go of the concept of age.
Where and how I fit in.
More important is that you follow your heart and do what you like, become the person you already are.
And age, well.
You are what you are, age has nothing to do with that.