An accumulation of what happened, led me to writing this story.
Unexpectedly it felt and that makes no wonder.
Perhaps it is just a conclusion, wrapped in these words.
I was surprised when I realized all of this and I am still a bit shaky when it comes to that.
This is where I am opening up and understanding it is more than the benefit of two.
I believe this story is not so much about me, although I am the one writing it.
It is about those men I have met, starting from autumn, continuing in winter and now even still in spring.
Old is perhaps not how I should refer to them, however they are of older age.
It is amazing to see the difference there is when it comes to older men.
Some are still vivid, but you can see the path they walked.
I don’t know if they ever shed those tears, caring for the scars they carry and understand it doesn’t make them less of a man.
However, I understand it is a different generation.
Where they don’t have to do as such, although this is what I see when I look at them.
Yes, there were more than one and to me that is no surprise. I have my eyes wide open and do not misunderstand the way I am looking, perhaps even perceiving life.
However it is the deeper meaning that I carry which makes me attractive to those men. The way I keep them at distance, tell a story of the benefit of myself, where I understand they are searching for that one thing.
I don’t know what that is, or how that looks like.
I guess when you are older that search is just different.
It can be non-sexual, but the main objective stays the same.
How they are reaching for that thing they are searching for is a bit more hidden, though obvious.
A nervousness, a look in the eye and keeping the attention on a bit too long.
I think it is all quite interesting. I believe there are no rules when it comes to that, where the common factor is they are in search of love.
I have to say when I realized this happened and understood what was going on, I have to acknowledge perhaps I was open to it for some hidden reason.
I don’t know if I am attracted to older men, let’s call them that.
I can understand I am quite alluring to them. Younger of age, but with a decent weight of life.
An open heart that is not there to be mistaken, something I understand.
Something to offer that could keep them feeling alive, perhaps from the inside. A thurst for life, where they are not missing out. Their dance is different, the rhythm sometimes slower.
However.
When it comes to the question if this is something I am wanting, I would like to pause it just there.
Where I once understood, I am at this age of life, where this is an age that is becoming available to me.
It doesn’t just come with the package.
I believe it is interesting for me to see from the point of researching the possibility. Taking out the speed and finding out the search for love, doesn’t really stop.
It goes on, after death, divorce and any other kind of heartbreak.
Us humans need to be loved, be caressed and cared for. Most of our lives.
A partner is welcome at that stage, even if that is non-sexual. I believe this is one of the differences when it comes to looking for love at different parts of our lives.
The fulfillment is different. Found in the little things in life, because that is most important.
That said, the weight does become more when we are older. I can see by the look in the eyes of those older men. Obviously they have seen a thing of two.
But that hunger remains and can be more stable when it comes to the difference of younger fellows.
When it comes to me and what is attractive to me if at all I would choose to be with an older man.
I never really thought about it actually, until writing down these words.
I believe I think a certain wisdom comes with the package that can form a different balance.
Something I can hold on to, perhaps even learn from.
Older age can have accomplished something and doesn’t have to prove as such, since there is no point in that.
Something they know, I guess.
Perhaps it is that mindset and care that would be attracting me to an older man.
Where I can be childish and foolish, something they are missing.
And I guess this is where the search for love would be ending.