Lately my hormones are taking matters into their own hands.
I am trying to escape them.
I can’t help it, I am a sagittarius.
The world is sometimes too scary for me.
Especially things I don’t know.
But I have come to know that the unknown is quite ok.
Quite a contradiction.
Life just isn’t as easy as it seems.
Sometimes it just isn’t.
Especially on topics nobody really knows anything about.
Feelings, Thoughts, Hormones.
Lately, I see a lot men.
Nothing sexually.
However, I have read somewhere that sex can actually help balancing hormones.
But for me it wasn’t about that.
It was for me just this fixating of my eyes, who were looking at those men.
Short, fat, bald, hairy, bearded men.
I have come to understand that birth control hormones can be a block on your love life.
Could it be that if natural hormones are out of balance, it can also be a block on your life in general?
A question that crossed my mind.
‘OMG, I honestly think I would get an heart attack’.
I was thinking.
I was getting all hot and cold, my body was really shiffering.
I can get emotional, or sometimes I drop things out of my hand.
Am I talking about a kind of vulnerability that I don’t know exists?
Or is this just my insecurity speaking?
Am I trying to control the situation that he wouldn’t like me if this would happen?
Just some more thoughts I was having.
Then I said out loud to nobody in particular, “Fuck this shit!”.
“I’d rather die and never wake up again!”
I don’t think anyone heard me.
Maybe it’s a self worth, self love issue?
Like anybody knows what that means, really?
Or just society that made this all up?
My mind kept spinning.
I was trying to catch my breath.
“You’ll start crying too”.
It is just all that I am saying.
In the meantime, while I am being all emotional and freaking out about everything.
I am eating a lot of vegetables, drinking even more water and exchanging the rice and potatoes for quinoa.
Because if natural hormones are causing a block on my lovelife I need to balance them.
So, here I am.
Freaking eating this almond yoghurt, that taste incredible weird and bad.
I didn’t know that complaining can be so relieving.