Struck by a virus, that has led me to stay in bed.
If I count back, it must already be a month.
The bounding to my bed, just a few days.
All for purpose, is what I know.
Not the purpose itself. The virus.
I have learned that even a fever is a virus.
There are so many of this kind.
This virus I have, still in my system. Was quite something more than just a fever.
That was just a symptom of something so much bigger.
A pause button that was pressed.
Not a rewind, but to unwind what was not allowed to express.
It kept me occupied for just a little while.
Of where this came from and also so unknown.
That the fever itself was just a symptom.
I questioned myself.
Where did it slip in my system?
Was there anything I could have prevented from happening?
I know these questions are a path I should not follow.
None of this was my fault to begin with.
It is just to understand what this time has given me and to look forward.
The time that this virus gave me, is to get answers and a way for my body to grow.
To evolve and learn and understand that life is just beautiful.
More importantly, health is really something that I need.
Especially the connection with my body.
Because there is so much of me that can be loved.
Perhaps that even starts with my body.
When it comes to love, even the last few days I had some encounters.
Not that I had any visitors during my sickness, but I had conversations, for the spare moments my body allowed me to be awake.
A test of the universe, of what it is I really want.
Because although the universe doesn’t interfere, sometimes it is life that wants to see on which level you are.
I can not go into details, as that is something between me and just myself.
Not even life or the universe is there allowed.
But what I found and came to understand, laying there in my bed.
‘Boys are just boys’.
However I have grown into a female and all I need is just a man.